Monday, December 31, 2007

2008


Recently I am so into Ebay shopping...
RM 34.90

RM 34.90

RM 35.90





This for only RM 50 ler!!!

Attractive? I always ended up watching that item, then keep reminding myself not to simply spend money until the item ended. EW~ Wait till I have more $$ la. @@ Since when I am so stingy towards myself...GRR

****

Today is the last day of 2007. Say welcome to 2008, hope it will be a good year.

2007 had been very very bad compared to 2006. Many things didn't go smoothly, luck was not good. Relationship sucks like what the fortune teller said. Things hadn't been well since don't know when. Friendship is even worse. All my best friend left, yeah i mean all. hah...I really don't believe life can be this bad man. The only thing that improve is the relationship with my sisters. Which im very glad and happy.

Yeay, I am in a relationship.

I can't wait for 2008. Especially chinese new year. Hope things can get better. I am so emotionally weak this year. Thank you for enduring me during my hard time. I will learn to be stronger. Give me more time. Whatever I say, whatever I do, just believe me...I love u lots :)

Monday, December 24, 2007

我在哪里?

6。27 分,早上。我到现在都还没虽较。好累好累。。。不是不虽,是虽不躁。我写得对马?我有好多好多话,其实都好想用华语说。。。旦角写不住来。不管了。对依戳就这样乱写一般吧!

好多天了。。。我不见了好多天。不见得慕名奇妙,根本不懂及时,就突然之间我已经片成了另一个我只鸡都不认识的, 木胜人。。。

我不懂,完完全全不懂,我到底那里拙作了。我好不开心。难过。使我的问题还是别人的错呢?以前我能够清清楚楚地说,不是我的辍。。。但两年了到现在, 历史的重演。。。我不能不想也属使我的问题吧?使我捉错了吗?好无奈。。。 我指导每一个该片都有好有坏。但现在的我根本不能分片陡地现在色么。我的人生意义在哪?我捉戳了吗?虽能给我答案啊?

我根本不知道之际在写色墨。。。谁又能明白呢?

圣诞节即将来,希望明年的这时我是开心的吧。。。如果这是一个梦, 让我快醒来吧。

7。14分了。。。我再写色墨啊?

我真的意境好努力了, 如果这就是上天要的。。。我会笑着对知己说,我已经努力过了。算了吧!放下把!珍惜把!

我好累啊!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Trick

When you tell your bf....

I am going to see a doc = I want to have sex

When he asked...

You want me to accompany you? = You want to have sex with me?

When you says...

No need != Ohh...I can have it with another guy

And you says...

I can go on my own = I can DIY


So you no longer need him since he asked you, do you need him to have sex. GOsh~ come on, you don't need to INFORM your bf you are going doc IF you are not hoping him to be there. Is it really so tricky?

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Klang

Big apple is the tastiest donuts I've ever tasted so far...

The price are also reasonable...6 for RM 9.50

Donuts are delicious...

Environment clean...

Lots of varieties...
We ate that at Klang Jusco, biggest Jusco in M'sia. Its nice! Something like Mid Valley.

Not forgotten on what Klang is famous for, TADAAA.......Bak Kut Teh!!!


Im so lazy to upload photo. GOt more on food over Petaling Street!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Cool

My horoscope today says....

You will find that you need to keep your cool today, as someone’s lack of sensitivity irritates you. Don’t overreact, otherwise you could find that your lack of patience pushes your friends away. Just remember that not everyone is as perceptive and thin-skinned as you!

Then I suddenly remember there was a time, somebody keep reminding us to keep our cool when dealing with matters. I haven't really manage my cool well. Unfortunately, most of the time, when things don't go on my way, I would lose my cool to make it better. Less than half the time, the things get with my way after I lost my cool. This thing is in the family genes, cause the whole family lose its cool when things goes wrong. Not that we don't want to change, we simply don't realize anything wrong with it. Coz everyone's been doing it.


Hmm...


Never mind nobody understand what I am talking about. A flash of my mind tells me, "erkk...how come and since when my blog get so personal??"


I remember when I change to blogspot I told myself this blog would be something very casual, funny and easy. My target readers were general not just friends.


EW~~ !!



Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Blast

I had a blasted week...wuHHOO~~Day 1, we went all the way to Sepang, to eat seafood at midnight, then we walk on the beach. Day 2, we went all the way to Klang, to eat bak kut teh. THen walk around the newly opened Jusco. That is a kind of luxuries that even the richest people in the world cannot easily do.

(I very lazy to upload pic)

The kingdom was a nice movie btw. Enchanted does not worth the ticket money. Can't wait for Golden Compass.

The grass is always greener on the other side. A mountain is higher than another mountain. Sometimes, there are things that you will never finish chasing after. Then, contentment should come in.

So many Aussie friends came back!

Friday, November 30, 2007

Great

This is (I cannot find an extreme word to describe)..... Now, 4.04am, I can't believe my brain is working non-stop since 7pm. Its crazy~

We had a 5 hours meeting straight just to come out with good budgets.

Its great being involve in mega events involving 70k plus. You seriously will see other things as very small when you are into such a big thing. You learn so much about people, how to deal with people and how you should take pressure. Its really really great to pressure yourself to the extreme part sometimes. Coz it pushes you to your limit or even better.

1 great thing I learn today which I really want to make myself remember. There is really a better way dealing with difficult people. Instead of making not-so-nice comments directly, hoping the person to turn better, you encourage, trust and appreciate that person more to motivate that person to become better. Rather than being comment, people tend to accept more when positive words come into us. That really works for me but I never work this on other people. Come to think of it, yeahh..i think it will work on alot of people.

Someone in the meeting just now practice extreme patience, calm and the thing i mention just now( appreciate, motivate). *salute*

After all...in a team, we have to strongly keep in mind 1 thing, everybody wants the best for the team no matter how the fellow brings up the issue.

Life like this is fantastic!



I love it!

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Words - speaking

A "please" "can you help me on...." "thank you" can change so many things...somebody just didn't realize. The tone of speaking I mean.

Lesson : DON'T TALK LIKE THE WHOLE WORLD OWES YOU SOMETHING
DON'T EVER THINK YOU ARE SO WANTED ALTHOUGH YOU ARE..

Come on, be a bit modest. Let everyone do things willingly and happily. Make people's life better. At the same time, you are making your life better. Somebody are just SOOO BOSSY. If you have quality then its still ok. (I am doubting so much to type the word "ok" coz I simply think its not very ok :S)

Hey, even our prime minister don't talk like the citizens owe him ok? Nobody can't live without who or what. Don't think you are so big deal. When somebody dislike you, people can just live more miserable life just to see you unhappy. For what are you making yourself like a clown?

If one day this kind of people fails, the whole community won't pity him, but laughing at him.

Before you put all the blames on people, think what you have to change yourself. When your finger is pointing at somebody, 3 of your own fingers are pointing at yourself.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Leadership-motivation-influence-power

How does leadership comes into a person? I don't quite agree it comes by practice. I think it comes by attitude. A leader have to be someone who is willing to accept comments, suggestions, ideas and help. A leader must have the attitude that everyone have their strength and weaknesses. That include his/her own.

So when a leader is willing is accept he has his weaknesses, he will take other people(his team)'s strength to compliment his weaknesses. Give it 20 people complimenting each other weaknesses, if there is nothing as perfect, at least this will be a good team.

Trust, motivate, influence and power. As a leader, obviously you definately cannot do everything on your own. Well, thats why you are called a leader, so your job is to lead, mostly. Not to work everything out yourself. When you can't trust your team, then you should consider your leadership have some problem. Bear in mind that if a person in your team, want to do something, he/she will push away all the obstacles him/herself without you even asking him/her to. So what makes him/her think those sacrifices are beneficial/appropriate/worth? It goes back to your leadership once again. Your motivation skills, influence and power.

Somebody are just born as a better leader. That directly means that person have an attitude of a leader. Modest and influencial.

What is a good leader when someone is trying to help you, giving you opinions/suggestions/ideas when you push everything away with "you think so easy ar?"

It is definately not easy at all to be a leader. You should accept the tough task, take it open heartedly and try to strive for the best. Not pushing away everything by not trying and saying that kind of sentence.

Frankly speaking, if I were being calculative, I will think I am not being appreciated. Why am I "kepoh-ing" when what I need to do is get the scope of my job done? In fact, my suggestion is meant to have let the team moving better. I don't get anything extra, BUT i let you pour cold water by suggesting to form a better team. Alright, next time i'll just get my job done...thats it. The rest is none of my business.

This is a bad team. I think there is better way of rejecting people's idea at the same time let the person know that his/her effort of suggesting is being appreciated.

Obviously this entry is pointing at somebody. Don't ask me who, maybe thats you!


A leader is a good name. But actually a leader is like a beggar to his/her team members. Especially when you don't pay them to do work. Your team members think you(leader) owe them something because they work for you willingly without getting anything in return. But team members will never think that the leader isn't paid either for all his/her efforts, including letting the leader have to bear the consequences when something goes wrong.

Leader is not easy to become. Normally good things people don't thank you or they won't think you are capable or good. But when bad things happened, everyone will start pointing their finger at you.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Random

I come across a blog talking about friends. It was so true then I started to think. You can have many many friendses. Hmm...like too many for you to handle. But face the fact, how many are reals?

Then I started counting, recently :

.
.
.
.
.
.


Arghhh...i better not name it, later some are out list then I get myself into trouble. Anyway, I can easily name 5. Its not many, but those are the people that I let them know I was in trouble. I am very lucky. God loves me I guess. hahaa :)

Same things goes, you may keep yourself so busy. So busy until you seems to be unable to cope up with your life. Creating excuses for neglecting a part of your life. Running away from the problems you do not want to face. Yeah its fine. But for how long can you get yourself so busy? How long you can be sure you will be busy? A week? A month? Forever?

Come on, are you sure you won't have a little time that you are free at night, and you start pondering, why?

Its better late than sorry. This time round, it won't be "its too late" but "Its over".

Sunshine comes after rain. Time is a major factor. Once again, all my friends prove me I am lovely. I really don't know how to thank you all. I love my life because I have you guys. Sincerely, *hugs*.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

the missing photos

All the missing photos that I had failed to upload for the month of November...

This is it, during the deepavali...went to explore The Gardens on my own...



This is nice...

This is the 1 day damage i made to myself...i donno where all the water comes from, but when you are sad, you just can cry non stop. Its a mountain of really wet tissues...

Yeah~ I want to remember this part of my ugly life too...

The next day, trying to act confident, to build it up hopefully...

So it ended that night, and I decided to go back on 11 Nov 2007. 2 years ago of the date, I claim myself to be the happiest day I had...


We started here, ended here.

So I came back Bp, and found this book. A course I went last year. Had totally forgotten about it.
When you remember that course, you try to remember all the juices you once got, and you once again live up your life. Here was a part of it that i think its so meaningful...(click on the picture to see the writing)

The taiwanese speaker told us, life is about all these.... is JUST ABOUT ALL THESE. Is on you to choose what kind of heart you are using to face everything. So, you choose...


Staying pretty is one of my build up confidence way... Like I said, when you are confident, you own the whole world of attractiveness...attractive comes with security.



THen, i seems to stand up a little, and got myself back to Sg Long, farewell my friend Shupin and meet up with my new brother, Sawinder Singh. Many of my friends are aware of my problems then. Thank you for accompanying me. I love you guys... :)

Im really glad he is able to believe in me so much, i mean Sawinder, although we had lost touch for so long. He is really a great, fantastic guy. I bet he is not gonna read this, but im telling you if one day you read this, I will not disappoint you! I swear! Your believe in me has strengthen me and lights up my life. I sincerely thank you for being there for me.

The J & Co, brought to me by Vivien. I just call her, telling I am feeling like eating this, immediately she appears in front of me with this. Its really really great to have friends....I really love you guys la.


Then, I met up with Scotfield. He is so cute!!!!





NEHHH, though scotfield is very cute, I still love hippo the most! hehehe...hippo is beside me now. BLERKSSS~

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Expectation

Its very good to have good friends around...they make you understand things you don't easily in just a click.

When someone become somebody(a role), you will expect him/her to meet that expectation. Lets say, your father, you expect him to take care of you, to give you food and daily needs. You expect your sister to pay bills when you are eating a dinner outside(normal expectation). Errmm..you expect your gf/bf to sacrifice their time for you, to do something for you. Things like that.

So, this is all what a normal human would expect from that particular role. What if, the real outcome is lesser than you expectation? Thats bad for people who can't handle well. Like me.

I think communication its not a bad way. Let him/her understand the expectation. Come to a compromise.

This post is a fully crap la...@@ Good Morning!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

A talk with mum...

When my mum don't talk to me like we, all of us owe her happiness, I actually loves to talk to her. My parents are a couple of VERY smart and brainy people. Really, they had gone through so much and they are so wise, so convincing. By actually JUST talking to her, I learn alot of things, and will have alot of thoughts. Mum is really a genius!

We are all very smart wise but when things involve relationship that comes with love, we are all doom. Thats our weaknesses.

Yesterday almost the whole family went to help out on family business. 1 of my cousin, who is running the business met an accident. He was the business right hand man since my dad was around. With face swollen, bruises all over, he still went to work. A whole set of responsibilities, he work 363 days a year. The business is simply very hard to go on without him. Although I do nothing, sitting there only observing... *sigh, I have only 1 word, "kek xim". It means heart ache in hokkien.

The uncle neighbour of our business told us, my dad was really good at the business. The business is more to making very quick decision in quoting the price. Mum said, the uncle neighbour told us, thats his talent that none of them(the whole business line people) gotto learn. He drop price earlier than people when the market is bad, increase earlier when demand is high.Until todate, they still salute and respect him. He had created a history in the line. The whole town still known us as LC's daughter/son. I am proud. Just too bad.... and after he left, everything was mess up, we begin losing one by one...until now.

I felt a mixture of angry and sad at the same time. Seeing all the problems and thinking of this business can let my dad once earn so much, why it becomes like this today? I have the urge to stop my studies to help running the business, really. Mum would have disagreed, sisses will support me I guess, if I insist laa. Afterall this is our OWN business. Whats the use of getting a degree, working from 9 to 5, earning your boss's money?

I am speaking about all the assets my dad earns, that until now we are still enjoying since 12 years ago, a family of 6.

Our conversation was interupted by the accounting firm's mail boy. I hate him. And mum realize we had talked too long... EW~ she said, "wahh..talk with you I many things didn't do already".

I feel she felt is a waste of time talking to me. :( I was actually discussing with her about the business, hoping to understand more, and try to come out with solutions.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Lost and found

When someone loses her confidence, she loses everything.

her self,
her dignity,
her pride,
her beau,
her value,
her conscious,
everything.

A little something came back to me today. Indeed, home is a good emotional hospital. I spend some time on my own in the bedroom to figure things out. As long as I keep reminding myself, "a mountain is higher than another mountain", thinking of how many times I thought that's the one for my life, thinking of I am still so young... I've seen too far, something that is unreachable is imagined the most beautiful. I forgot thats just what I imagined. I can only sigh, something when its not yours, its not yours lar...

I am being spoiled of getting what I want. If I can fight this rationally, I am sure I gonna get whatever I want. Just that confidence loses me. Before fighting I already expect to lose. The more I am afraid I will lose, the more I lose, and the next thing is I am losing. Thats me... A spoiled pretty lady. Hahaa...

(JUST DON WAN TO ADMIT SOMETIMES I LOSE TOO! SH*T)

Every stupid thing that I've seen so hard becomes easy, casual now. I have yet many other things to achieve. Pausing just 1 second for it is a waste of time for that silly matter.

Family warmth

Although I am back phsysically, 12.58am, I am a failure, I didn't come back 100%. A part of me was still there. I am shutting a door in my heart, making it a dead end. When is this going to last?

Funnily when I was boarding the bus, guess who I met? Hah, my bro. He sat exactly the same bus, and right beside my seat. Nobody knew he is coming back. So I was dumbstruck.

I never sat so close and so long beside my brother, felt kinda weird. We talk for a few minutes...its hard to find a common conversation. I dislike talking with him. But it was kind of great to have a kin sitting next to you when you are so down.

The whole family was so surprised and almost cried. Bro was caught back, for working in UK. Was in jail for a day...then sent back here...He didn't want anybody to worry, or trouble picking him up, so he did everything on his own.

Mum just got back a few minutes ago. She gave bro a hug. I was upstair, she was damn happy, almost cried. Bro was the family's treasure. For this, I am glad that he comes back. Coz he manage to bring some warmth to the family. Mum came up, damn happy. They thought we arranged all these, although I explained its not. Its purely coincidence. Anyway, mum gave me a hug too. I almost cried doing that. Its been so long since I was sincerely hug by her, and I really need a hug for the time being. Really glad my bro comes back.

Back to the square, before I came back, Vivien said, running away is not a way to solve problem. And I told her, thats the last thing I am able to do now. Yeah, indeed. This 2 sentence exactly mean how I felt now. Sorry for making you guys worry. I will be alright. Soon.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

So, I left...

I guess I will delete all the weird post soon...Really, its ego and pride. Hate to let people see the ugly side of me. I am writing this at Pudu KFC, while waiting for my bus, I on my lappie and found there is WiFi here. Great!

I wanted to do this since long ago. But I just have too many unsettle things. At this point of time however, I cannot care anymore. I left behind so many responsible, all I can say is, I am sorry. I really need to take care for myself once in a while. I mean, do things for myself. I no longer able to stay at KL anymore, its no longer a place that can let me stay anymore.

So I left so many things behind...I hope I won't bring all the shit back. :)

I have to thank Poh Yee for taking over me. I have to thank Wendy, I didn't see clearly what message you sent to him, but i remember you said you treasure me. Its touching. Love you as always. You never fail to pour me love. :)

Sorry for being so irresponsible. I don't like this either. Its been long long time since I do this kind of thing. Maybe the last time was on January?

Okay, times up. Its raining, I am shivering. I haven't eat for 24 hours. Goodbye~

Saturday, November 10, 2007

A lesson

After decision is made, no room for regretting. So I shall go with it without doubts anymore. Thanks. I understand many things again. On why am I acting this way and so.

I am gonna be a good Shi Yee from now on. Not that previously I am no good. But a better wan onwards. 4.52am now, I am quite happy. Today, tomorrow, day after tomorrow and day day after tomorrow I WON BE WORKING!!! I sleep the whole day today. I woke up 7 something(used to it), den sleep back i think around 11 something, and the next time i wake up, MY GOD, its 3 something PM. Goodness, its been long long long long long time since I sleep so tight already.

Life is getting better. Let things be natural. I love myself. *wink*

Life is good. Lalalelu~

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Oppurtunity

I didn't sleep the whole last night. Don't ask me why, this few days, I always wake up with nightmares. If I am not wrong, these few nights I have been talking on my dream. Then I am being awaken by the frighten of my own voice. IT happened many times already. I am not quite sure that is a whole dream or what. Maybe I am having too much tension these while. Just maybe la..

I didn't like Robinson laa..although the guard there was nice. I didn't know anything and they guided me friendly on how should I go through the whole process. Get to know some interesting people there. And hell yeah, some of the workers there keep looking at me as if they never see mei nu before. And try to smile smile with me but i ignored. Mood wasn't good. My feet is killing, that fuckup heel is going to squeeze my skin out. Should have bought a more quality want!!! Robinson don't have chair for you to sit. So you gotto stand the whole day.

Today is Deepavali, so many people was there since early in the morning. I really saw alot of rich tai tais. But the happiest thing is I saw many families, dad so close with their kids, and mum doing shopping. I donno why I really like to see that kind of scene. Guess it will never happened on me. Mum never follow us shopping. And its hard to see us a family happily together. Haihhh

Anyway, about the opportunities. Hahaa, maybe today i have luck or something la. I was offered 2 attractive jobs there. 1 was AIA and another was OCBC. The sales executive happened to be my ex colleague(Southern Bank, now known as CIMB). So, they happened to be selling credit cards there and met me again after 1 year. So he asked me why stand at Robinson become a vase. Keep convincing me with a very good bargain...and says, he just need to help me talk talk then can start work already. Another reason is I will get to know OCBC managerial people, then it will benefit for my future career in case I want to work there after graduate. I am seriously considering very hard. Its really a good bargain but I am being tight up by society work. I cnanot be irresponsible to throw everything away. A promise is a promise. So i think I am forgetting that opportunity.

And we talked about Cheryl's(not me) sister. I was told she was all the while top sales, in whatever bank she work in. She was hired, with basic salary 2.7k, allowance almost 4k and her sales at least 10k a month. Its crazy rite? Anyway she has resigned and went to Australia already. That family is crazily tough people.

Tired

Well, I realized im tired mentally and physically. I guess its more to mentally. Though I am still trying to be very positive, but when things always always don't go with ur way, its hard for you to feel nothing at all. You understand?

October was bad laa...yeap, it seems to have improved. So I hope this month will be greater.

Anyway, yesterday was nice. You guys donno i started working rite? Yeah i work at mid valley as a promoter now. Jus 3 days a week. I go there by bus and ktm which takes around 2 hours to reach. That almost killed me everyday!

So yesterday 1 of my hometown friend came. He treated me Sushi Zan Mai at The Gardens. OMFG, the salmon there was VERY VERY NICE. We ordered a very special thing, like a small steamboat, then inside got many nice mushrooms, vege and the soup was nice. Then, they gave us raw beef slice and an raw egg. You have to cook the beef then dip it inside the raw egg while its hot. And eat straight like that. At first we thought it was weird and kind of "geli". But after trying, MY GOODDD.....thats the happiest food I've eaten.

Then we went to 1U to catch a movie. Its "Shrooms". I almost feel asleep.

Alright, another nice thing is, he fetch me with his mini cooper. haha, its red. This is my 2nd time on his cooper. I still think that car is not nice to sit, although its nice. It is even NICER when you put down the roof...let the wind blow. But ytd was raining abit, so he just let me felt it for a while.

Ok, its 12.24am. Tomorrow I will be working at Robinson. Guess what, tomorrow is my 1st day at Robinson, and they arrange me to take care of the counter alone. I don't even know where heck is the staff entrance. I gotto find the counter myself, then i was given a key to figure out how to open the cupboards. Goodness, i donno how much is the price of the jewerlery even~ @@

Wish me luck. The management is fantastic! They are running out of people~ forgive them.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Abdullah said...

"My style is to shut my ears when someone speaks nonsense. I prefer to focus on my work rather than entertaining unconstructive talk."

"But I say it takes strong and bold leaders to allow others to talk. It takes bold leaders to forgive and forget and to give somebody a second chance."

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Tarc Friends

Hmm...this post drag very long already...never really spent time thinking of it...



Kelvin, Kimwee, Jen Wai, Chin Hon, Hon Fei, Kian Teng, Chyi Siew
Me, WeiJin, Chai Wen, Vivien, Bee Ken.Its funny rite? This is the complete family picture, with 7 swords.



We were really really close...3 semester, 1 year...we skip classes, we go Redbox, we go sunway lagoon, we go genting, we hang around at Canteen 1 and yum yum park, we go movies, we go shopping, all together. We eat buffet and mix all the food together, then challenge everyone to try (our culture), until hon fei vomits, we call it an end. We exchange present during christmas...haha, a while shoe box of sweets...then we became santa claus giving strangers sweet at the canteen. Memorable.


Remember our m5A3 crazy gang? Mr superam? And the old woman taught us public speaking? I forgot whats her name..never really bother...seldom go to class...


The story goes like this, this pic is really memorable. The guys, all said to wear red on that day. Coincidently the girls, all come with red t-shirt that day also. We swear, the girls didn't discuss it before hand. I was the second last girl who reached for the class...Laugh to hell when I saw half of the class wore in red!! GOSH, even more awkward when we walk along tarc. A gang of ang pao...we don't really dare to walk together...people keep staring at us.



I was chatting with BeeKen. Then she asked how are others. Sadly, now the 12 people that are in the picture, only 4 still studying here. Some work, some apply for other Uni.


I donno...but college life is only a year...its much more fun. Until now, I've been at Utar for almost a year...I hardly remember my classmates' name still. We are still trying, really hard. I guess next year will be a much better one. Appointed a PR in the class. Hopefully he will have the whole class supporting him. Hahaa

Ok, enough of it. Look forward good girl! :D

Eternal Love

I don dare to say I finally truly understand what is the meaning of love...After these ridiculous struggle, I am in deeper understanding on love. I started to believe the existence of it. Mind my words, i said I started to, didn't say i truly believe. I am waiting for it to be proven. So lets see ;)

Many people who are deeply in love with their gf/bf for more than years have this in their mind. They believe she/he is the one. Totally into it with trust and faith. They accept any obstacle optimistically because they think those arguments, distance and whatever, are stones on the journey to create better understanding and smoother journey in the future. They take those challenges happily as they have faith both of them will counter it easily and they will see lights at the end of the tunnel. Its believe.

When I ask them how are you sure he/she is the one. He/she will not hurt you? They said they trust and have faith in their other half. Thats it. Easy.

Maybe I've failed too many times. Too many times people told me, there are better one for you awaiting...until that this concept is being planted in my brain...so when a little obstacle happened, i tend to think that way.

I was too afraid of falling down again. Life is about how you pick up your fall bravely and try walking again. If a baby didn't dare to stand up and walk again just because baby have fallen down many times, forever she will not learn how to walk and I won't be walking freely now.

Let me say it, although I hate to admit that. I think my tears and my kilos worth the lesson. GEE* My tummy is sooOOOo freaking flat that I don't believe thats my figure! I am at my thinnest moment. But it won't for long i guess. I am so sexy now. WAhahaha

I started to believe...Hope you will too...I'll be a good wife. Haahaa!

Anyway, am I still emotionally very unstable or every body have moments like that? Haha Hmmm, I do not deny it seems to take forever when it is happening. Its awful crying the wholeeeee day. Yeap, I mean the whole day! Though, I am surprise at how fast the process finishes.

This lesson worth learning.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

A meaningful Crap

Maybe I should just relax. Thank you Night Avenger for giving me hope. No matter what is going to happen, be it fake, at least u made me feel better when i was so down. :) I stop crying after we talked. Maybe you are the only soul that understand how is life of being so afraid, without love. You are great to have change your fate and noble enough to bring love to people like me. Whatever that is going to happen in the future, you have my deepest gratitude.

Thank you anoh. You always allow me to have my own lowest moment. I didn't know why. Ignore me when I said I am so down like that. Now i figure out. Not that you don't care. You just believe in me that i will be alright, that I need time to have sorrow moment and I will stand up even stronger when the time is right. When I am ready to stand up, then you will give me a hand and pull me up. Don't know whether is coincidence, this is what everytime you do to me. You are just fantastic!

Many times, I kept forcing myself to come to a decision regardless whether I am ready to take it or not. Then, when im not ready...when I can't abide to my decision, I thrash my life. I put my life into a yes/no situation. I forgot nothing is so definate. If you really can't solve it now, maybe you should let time washes away everything until you are calm enough to solve it. Put it aside until you are ready to make a decision. :) Forget it a while...maybe when you don't force yourself, you'll be really surprise on the outcome. It is easier than you think. 2 years ago, thats how it work.

Finally, my spring bounce back. Life is really too heavy a burden for someone to bear alone. Thank you for putting so much effort on a nobody.


To you stupid,
I'll remember...you once love me so deep...once believe me...once care so much about me, once sad for me...its a pity but nobody can help it. I am sorry you've met me.

I'll remember...all the things we had once done together...you once did for me...although its real short, but you are special. I love you.

No matter what is going to happen, thank you...you once gave me hope. I'll still be here. You know how to get me.


At this point of time...i'll just wait for good things to come. When its yours its yours...when its not, it won't be yours. I have accepted the fact. Don't expect so much. Don't ask for so much. Just let things be, allow surprises to happen. Just relax.

Relax

What Colorgenics says -->when im so down

You feel worn out, physically and mentally. Recently the going has been tough and it looks as if there is still a considerable way for you to go before you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. If only you could put a protecting wall around yourself and cut yourself off from the rest of the world - be it even for only a little while - how wonderful it would be, but you can't - so you need to bear with it. Just when everything will seem at its lowest ebb you will find that there is a turnabout and your problems will seem to find a way of resolving themselves.

In the past there have been - and maybe there still are - many things that you have had to do without. You have now decided to set your sights on a position or situation that could give you greater prestige and which will afford you considerable self esteem.

You feel very lonely and frustrated at this time but your shyness and modesty precludes you from establishing any deep form of relationship. You feel rather isolated and alone. You are egocentric and you believe that you are always right - well maybe you are - but you have a short fuse and are likely to take offence for the slightest reason.

The unwanted situation in which you presently find yourself is causing you considerable stress and frustration and your feeling is that whatever you try to do to remedy this is to no avail. You feel trapped. You want to get away from it all as you feel that you are banging your head against a brick wall getting nowhere. You have turned your aggression inwards and you are furious with yourself for not being able to achieve your goals. You need to go away, somewhere where there are less restrictions and where you can be free to make your own decisions.

You are worn out and lack both physical and mental energy. This lack of vitality has created an intolerance for any further excitement and you feel that you just cannot carry on; but you have been like that many times before and the situation passed. You again need to get away from it all - even if it is only for a little while. A relaxed body cannot contain a destructive emotion and the secret for you is to just relax.

Friday, November 02, 2007

I can't take it anymore

Im really sorry to write this post out...i don't like to...but like in the tittle...i really really can't take the pain anymore...this will be a very messy and long post...

I didn't mean to blame anybody...i didn't dare to hope for anything...i can't sleep...i cannot don't think...i lose control...yesterday this time, i was thinking back what had happened...i punch my bed and drop tears..i was angry...its pain...i slept only 2 hours. TOday i went out, i make myself extremely tired, hoping for a good sleep...then i wouldn't have energy to think any more...but no...im still awake till now...i wan to say...its so pain...so pain...so pain...so pain....so pain....i really can't take the pain anymore...

Im crying again....its so pain that i punch my heart hard just now...amazingly i seems to feel better after doing that...but it just help for a while...its so pain....i donno how long i can bear this anymore...why? why must it be me? why life is so unfair to me...i keep telling myself...everything happened for a good reason...all the while...i tried to not think of those unfortunate things...seeing things on brighter side...but why? after so long...all these feeling come back and haunt me again...im like the me 2 years ago..again...but this time is different...i don't have hazel and wendy to keep calling me again....im alone now...nobody understand...nobody try to understand...

I am sorry to say this...i really wish i can die instantly....i know im a failure to have said this...i know im useless...i know many other people are worse than me...i know....but i can't bear the pain, really....it truly hurts...I wish to die because i can't bear the pain anymore...everything that happened...why it haunts me back again?

2 years ago November 11, i was at port dickson...Miracle happened...i tot i had everything i wanted....after so much hope, determination, sacrifices, believe, love, tolerance, time....finally...the day had come....I claim to myself that that day will be the happiest day in my life. I wanted myself to remember that day...and i did...until now...

But all those become shattered hopes...everything is fake...maybe i was too naive to believe beautiful things could actually happened to me....haha i donno wat i can do now...its all out of control...i know its funny...this is totally the opposite of wat i've written in my last post....i keep read and re read wat i had written all the while today...keeping myself strong...reminding myself...i try to convince myself its ok...i watch drama and i go out...i make myself so tired...den i can straight away sleep...but i just can't...once im alone in the room, off the light and lie down on bed...it haunts me again...den the pain become more and mroe unbearable...when im with nobody, i don't have reason to act strong anymore...

I did try my best to be ok...i had been trying really hard....i do...im sorry i can't...i have no more energy...i can't move on anymore...help me....save me...

I really wish i have courage to end all these pain....A monk once said, "if you have courage to commit suicide, why have you no courage to face the problems..." Its funny...I have no courage to commit suicide..i have also no courage to face the problems...all i have courage to, is writing this blog..crying inside my room...n keep saying...its so pain..its so pain...haha...i really laugh at myself...im so idiot...im a bitch...i write this blog maybe is to earn some pity...den people will leave comments...call and sms me...hhahahaah...what the fuck...now im laughing...

what do i really want?

*3 minutes later*I laugh and i cried writing what you've just read...i just dried my tears....the sky is brighter now...sun will shine again....ok...im feeling better...try to sleep now...hope i won't ended up writing the next post like this again...I hope i can fall asleep now....im so weak...

7.10am-- i read back what i've jus written...n i cry again...now im smiling...what am i doing?

Pls do not mention to me abt wat u've read...just pretend nothing happen...don't tear my happy mask...thats the very least thing i can act...to be happy...thank you.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

I Am A Spring

Always, we were complaining about this person makes me unhappy so and so...he betrayed me...he don't love me anymore..stuff like that...

While we were growing up, standing taller and taller each day...all those unfortunate events that happened, actually teaches us to take control of our own life. Your own life. When you are at the bottom line, leading a so pathetic life, you claim... you are like a spring that being forced and pressed to the lowest...eventually, amazingly, when you cannot take it anymore, you bounce back. Some spring spoiled...but most are able to survive. And then, you are free... (Im smiling when im typing the word, "you are free"). Did you survive? Will you survive?

This is what life teaches us. Not to let control. Instead, take control of your own life! Claiming your life so miserable is pitiable because you are not willing to change it. Accept the highlighted statement as a fact. Perhaps you haven't reach the bottom of your spring, if not, lead a happy life :) Why not? Unless you enjoy it.

Many times, things get out of control, we said. Thats because we can't manage to control it. How to take control? You'll find your ways when the situation is intense enough. When you have no more other ways out. When you are being pressed to your lowermost, it will become a natural reaction by human race. (The process can be much tougher than you imagine.)

Do you really have to wait until the situation cannot be any more desperate? Perhaps no. Perhaps yes. Leave it for you, yourself. :)

Life is about surviving at every happenings...how you celebrate your ups, and moan for your down...how you adapt to the changes of ups and downs...


At times, you revive, you stand by your fall. You held your head high and celebrate for more. Being stabilize by your ups, human forgotten once more the process of standing up again. The cycle goes round and round and round. You stand and you fall. You fall and you stand. You are so tired...You think life its meaningless. You become frustrated. Whats all the rubbish of this cycle? Feeling like giving up? You choose the path if you want to stand up again. It is meaningless UNLESS you able to not surrender and keep standing up. :)

PMS

Geee

I never believe PMS would actually strike me... Until when suddenly i seems to being *KNOCK* , awaken, "ehh....what have I done...this is so unlike me..." only I realize.

:)

I AM BACK! *grinning*

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Calm heart

Gonna write some crap here...I didn't know human is so so so forgetful. Today you remember and you tell yourself this is an important lesson...and then, tomorrow and tomorrow comes...so many things happened then, and you forgot the lesson you've once learn so hard.

Maybe human brains are limited...there are so many things keep happening and happening at once...afterall, we are not flawless... :)

Anything, everything you do...you are accountable for what you do. As long as you are happy doing it, you think its right to do it, you do your best to achieve the outcome you wanted... then the rest is not for you to worry. Many things are not beyond our control. Sometimes we have to just accept it. Its unexplainable. Un-understandable.

How hard you will fall, at least you once hope.

At the end of the day, you will just smile to yourself, and said..." at least I've tried my best, i know"

:)

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Goal motivation

When someone is blindfolded...running 1000 meters... without seeing the finish line...the journey seems unreachable...

But if you have chance to open your another eye, probably the line is actually just another step away...

When you are running so hard, harder and harder...when it seems unreachable...when you are at the edge of giving up...just when you are about to faint...you don't know probably your next step will be the line. All you have to do, is bear with it just 1 more second.

Imagine if you fainted just 1 step away from the line, when you finally saw it with your real eyes the finish line, how much would you regret..for you thought it is so much further...

"ARGHHH....if i know it is just 1 step away!!!"

Open your eye and motivate yourself.

Friend, buck up! You are reaching...

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Believe

Before that, read "My University life" from Amelia...I really laugh out!

Yey!! The blogger me has come back! CHEERS...thanks for still being here...

I've written quite a number of post about believes. If 1 day I met a psychologist, the 1st question I am gonna ask him/her is about believe. A further explaination about believes, how to believe and the deep elaboration about this thing. Its so interesting yet mysterious at the same time.

Come to think of it. We were thought to believe in god since we know ABC. We haven't seen god and we are clueless about the existence of it. Yet, we believe it and the culture are being passed down.

Is believe a practice or what?

When you believe you can do it, you practice it, and by luck you really happened to make it? Look, before someone make it, he/she first have to believe he/she can do it. Yep, we knew this...but how?

(ITS SOOO INTERESTING)

For god, it is a culture that is being passed down by our parents, so it becomes a practice then it turns to believe. If lets say, ( i can't find a strong example @@)... for example, lets say...yaya I found it!

Lets say, your parents call you stupid all the while...scolding and yelling stupid at you since you were babies..it becomes their practice and you believe it. Maybe is by accident, or low in confidence that you did badly in exams, grade poorly...AND THEN, you are seriously convinced that you are stupid because you think its proven. You never even try to study because you simply think you are so stupid. Anyway, you've been called so since.

(that reminds me of Julie in the book Perfect by Judith McNaught)

Well, the truth may be that because you never believe you are not stupid, so you never even work hard or even pay attention in class...how you gonna score better unless you are a genius? If you don't believe it, you will not even give you yourself a chance to be better.

BUT, that idea of stupid were being implemented in your brains since you were born. And you believe it because your result are the proof of it. Of coz you are not aware that you never work hard thats why you did badly. Simply because at that time, you also believe that even you work hard, you will not do any better...BECAUSE YOU ARE STUPID. And then...the worse is, everybody else, your teacher, your classmates and people who knew you, believe you are stupid too because of your poor grades.

So you are even more convinced that you are stupid...And you concluded you are stupid.

Now you've seen the whole picture and you know what's happening rite?

The part I need help is, how to make this person(who believes she is stupid)...ok...lets just name her Julie, since I am taking that example...

So the question is, how to make Julie believes that she is not stupid. COMMENTS!!!!! Pls...think about it seriously...

Yes I AM!

I AM a rational thinker
I AM a strong person
I AM an optimistic human
I AM a cool friend
I AM a problem solver
I AM a confident lady
I AM a goal striker
I AM someone with objectives in life
I AM a happy girl
I AM a better me every tomorrow
I AM a loving me

I AM not mysterious
I AM believing people
I AM to trust human
I AM dare to change
I AM not afraid of anything
I AM strong in spirit
I AM not defeated easily

hahaa...at the same time~ I actually found out that I AM crazy also....

I really AM.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Lost

This few weeks I am so lost of myself. I am like being over ruled by something that is not me. Maybe the other me. I donno which is the preferable me or which will be the happier me. Though life have to go on...I know.

I thought I have the courage to lead a different life, to change...but just when a little tiny wrongs happened, I am defeated, I am being convinced that it won't work out, that I've made the wrong decision, and I shall stop now before it hurts further, before it is fixed, after I've changed.

So I gave up. Having in mind that the me before changing wasn't that bad also. Having unsure of what the future lies even after i changed. Having not to risk. Having to know, I should feel contented of what I once happily had, is enough.

When somebody have no confidence in doing something...it will surely turn out sucks! How will you success when from the beginning you never believe you will succeed?

I feel so defeated...I lose my courage, lose my confident, lose my dignity...

I donno where was the I...Please...come back!

Can somebody assure me what I've done is right?

-at the time when a human is down-

Friday, October 19, 2007

Camp - BP

The amendments for lack of updates... 38 photos...


Day 1 - 5th Oct 07 - UTAR - PD

Stuffs that dedicating committee members brought...

In the bus..
Ivan showing off his dick...


The faithful committee members...having energy still crazying for the 1st day...
At girls chalet cam whoring before activities starts! I donno how and why, it is said to must have a opposite sex's corpse lying still counted as picture..

So there it goes, our beloved Arveen kindly acted as corpse...


Before the 1st game starts...

teckteck writing love letters to "Im-not-sure-who"

Leslie thought he won the treasure hunt, when he found the so called "black-pearl"

Day 2 - 6th Oct 07


The day starts with jungle trekking...
The obstacle, KK nicely giving a hand to Arveen...You know la...she abit hard to balance @@

The jungle...

THe bushes...It is said that around these area...ther e is a well...but till now I have no idea where~~

We actually drank this water..it is said to be able to cure any sickness as long as you believe it...Well, a little story here...I wasn't feeling well for the fast day..internally heat, having horrible sore throat, I can't really talk and was emo-ing the whole day. PLus, I was having diahorea(how to spell?) ON THE DAY OF THE CAMP! F*CK UP rite? Yeah indeed...but after drinking this water, or maybe the "cap ibu dan anak pi pa kao" works...I donno, after drinking these...I was jumping and damn happy...hahaa BELIEVE IT OR NOT?

I wrote that ler...so proud! It stands for Career Development Society...

Cam whoring...
Rumah Api Tanjung Tuan...
The jungle trekking ends...
We didn't take much picture on day 2 because most of it involve water...of coz I don wanna risk my T100...

Yeap, we went to the beach...it was so fun, although the water is damn dirty. Anyway, so of the guys got FOC ass polish with the sand on the beach. I bet their ass is much smoother till now..haha


Crazy people...

The fantastic BBQ dinner...didn't get to really enjoy it though...were having discussion somewhere around, thats why didn't take many pictures...
Best actor awards...Comittee were forced to come out with a sketch also...


The overly commited participants...he got himself injured during the act...poor Kent...

Day 3 - 7th Oct 07

Post mortem...where we confess our feelings for this camp out...it was kinda a emotional session for me~ Afterall, I have put in alot of efforts organizing this camp...

Part of the girls...
Group picture

The big big feast after 3 days of awful food...
"tai kors" of CDS...
Friendship remains...Spirit burning...

***This camp is special to me, because the commitee plan it from the 1st second till the last. Although it may not be as successful as expected, it is a great lesson and wonderful time we had.

Times Square - Shopping

Went to shopping and saw this...
Its very innocent...love this picture...


When i got home, hippo was showing me this face...he was so angry that I haven't come back for almost 2 months!


He emo with me for exactly 1 hour!! Don't want choy ngo lerr~~
I went to Nabila's raya party...It was fun having to meet old friends up...


Even happier to find most of them are so much fatter...same as I do~ wahahah

A few closer ones...
Sihin, Jeaneatte, Cheryl, Nabila Jasman, Nabila Saat, Christine, Rabita..

Btw, its so funny when we were bidding goodbyes, giving hug and all...we actually said, "Kahwin mesti jemput.." to almost everybody.

Haha, Its kind of weird coz we doesn't seems like somebody going to kahwin anytime soon...I just mean, we are still so childish~ hehe

Phew~ end.