Theories are just theories...IF you don't apply it.
My bf knew alot of theories....I knew alot of theories...everybody knew alot of theories...
What must and must not be done...BUT...are we applying it? We knew about many things...i really mean many many things...about life, about human, about ethics, about moral....BUT ARE WE APPLYING IT? (I am so emotional writing this)
I was struggling a few hours ago...today...I went to a workshop...it was a really good one...It shown us scientifically that everything is energy...our THOUGHTS ARE ENERGY.
By imagine it, believe it, concentrate it, we will definately achieve it! I manage to make 1 of my fingers grew longer...and majority of the people in that workshop manage to do so. Amazing huh?
So the conclusion is, we have to think positively...coz that positive thinking is an energy and it will make things work. Before you go out, think you can find a parking space...visualize it, imagine it...concentrate and believe it...try it. I succeed in 80%..people found the parking space.
Many people told me...i am a good girl...i am very special...many people told me that...and they say I really deserve someone good...but i never really believe it...or im not convinced with it...because the sad fact is...I have gone through many relationship and most of it turn out badly. So I had always thought...it was my problem...i am no good...thats why things happened...
Suddenly as fast as light, time strikes to me...perhaps...the right one just haven't come?
I donno why...it came to me that I find this friend of mine...i asked him...are we good friends? he told me I had asked him this question many times...(i never realize)...and of coz he said yes...maybe coz I really appreciate this friendship which I also donno why...
Did I realize the fact also shown me...I have many friends...many good and real friends...whom cares alot about me...and 1 of them is him(my friend that i contacted)...and perhaps I am not that bad rite? Really just the time not yet arrive?
So i told him about the feelings which I am feeling right then...
He asked me, why don't I aim a bigger one this time? Choose a real good one?
I said...I am afraid...scared? people made mistake and who knows if he turn over a new leaf...he will be a very good one? ARGHHH!!! I know all the theories very well..but towards myself...its just so hard to apply..all because I am very scared of hurting myself..how to buy an insurance for this?
He said , "no insurance...just don't take it so dearly. Ppl come n go. Live n die in our life. So why r u so bothered? If get get, if no just no. After all, we are living in a short life. As long u did, and taken your chances...even if it turns out bad...it doesn't matters also. In the end, everyone turn away...you still have yourself..."
Its back to ACCEPT WHATEVER IT COMES...
*sigh*
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Tanks
I caught up a new hobby...
Isn't this very nice? Creating a 'home' for the fish?
CRS scrimp...don underestimate them...each of them cost probably 3 figures?
And aquatic plants...inside there are alot of baby scrimps...
While they were eating...this CRS are very very hard to rare...water pH and temperature have to be taken care of very carefully....
Hmm....I had a tank here, and currently having guppies, swordtail, cherry scrimp, snails, aquatic plants inside...Still learning and understanding them...and 1 day...my tank are gonna be very nice! heehehee
Isn't this very nice? Creating a 'home' for the fish?
CRS scrimp...don underestimate them...each of them cost probably 3 figures?
And aquatic plants...inside there are alot of baby scrimps...
While they were eating...this CRS are very very hard to rare...water pH and temperature have to be taken care of very carefully....
Hmm....I had a tank here, and currently having guppies, swordtail, cherry scrimp, snails, aquatic plants inside...Still learning and understanding them...and 1 day...my tank are gonna be very nice! heehehee
Friday, October 24, 2008
Struggle
I"ve tasted alot of feelings before...those deep and strong feelings....so at many times...I understand alot of feelings that people are going through...and I forgave them very easily because many of it...I have went through and I actually knew why they did so...coz I were like that too. Although you knew...knew so well...but there is always something left behind the heart...a benefit of doubts...for the survival of yourself...you cannot assume the other people as the same like yourself...so you doubt...and you struggle emotionally...but rationally you thought you need to...have to...have faith...trust it...believe it...*sigh*
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Thank God
Have you ever felt the feeling that, you have done something wrong....you deserve something bad...you expected 70% that you will get bad, because simply you deserve it, cause you spoil it, never work hard enough for it....AND......YET........you get something good in return?
What is this feeling?
I think it is more than a feeling of glad...
No words is sufficient enough to express this feeling....
THANK GOD for this...
I passed my law paper, with the best result I am able to pass in the resit. Its just....too unexpected coz things really messed up 2 days before the resit. I hardly studied..and almost even didn't turn up for the exam, coz I thought it was simply a waste of time...I never really studied..But because I've already paid for the resit fees earlier...so I thought I will have to go there to just waste the time as well since I've already wasted the money....half way on the exam...I was having mild gastric...until I couldn't really write nor concentrate...I tried my very best to simply finish the questions and I came out like 45 minutes earlier?
Thank god!
What is this feeling?
I think it is more than a feeling of glad...
No words is sufficient enough to express this feeling....
THANK GOD for this...
I passed my law paper, with the best result I am able to pass in the resit. Its just....too unexpected coz things really messed up 2 days before the resit. I hardly studied..and almost even didn't turn up for the exam, coz I thought it was simply a waste of time...I never really studied..But because I've already paid for the resit fees earlier...so I thought I will have to go there to just waste the time as well since I've already wasted the money....half way on the exam...I was having mild gastric...until I couldn't really write nor concentrate...I tried my very best to simply finish the questions and I came out like 45 minutes earlier?
Thank god!
Monday, October 20, 2008
Action
Action is an act. I may kiss, i may hug, i may be somebody else through action....people say life is like an actor on stage...i think that statement is so true...agree?
My boyfriend used to complain...perhaps still complaining till now...that sometimes, i push him away when he wants to hug or kiss me. I seldom initiate hug and kisses but when I do it, I really am doing it from the bottom of my heart. Seldom doing it, is that because I don't love him? From me, it is definately not!
Because towards him, (he is someone that I think I must and have to be true), so when I don't have the feel, I will push him away. Give me an opinion....is that not appropriate?
So if someone hug and kiss you all the time, only then you will feel love... is that so? Isn't those just an act if you don't mean it? So why act? If a relationship were to be an act, isn't that very pathetic besides being very ugly?
Personally I can't make a relationship an act...its just so fake...if a relationship were to be like this...then why be in a relationship? Everything becomes so fake isn't it?
Tell me your view...I just wanna know if I am abnormal to think this way~
My boyfriend used to complain...perhaps still complaining till now...that sometimes, i push him away when he wants to hug or kiss me. I seldom initiate hug and kisses but when I do it, I really am doing it from the bottom of my heart. Seldom doing it, is that because I don't love him? From me, it is definately not!
Because towards him, (he is someone that I think I must and have to be true), so when I don't have the feel, I will push him away. Give me an opinion....is that not appropriate?
So if someone hug and kiss you all the time, only then you will feel love... is that so? Isn't those just an act if you don't mean it? So why act? If a relationship were to be an act, isn't that very pathetic besides being very ugly?
Personally I can't make a relationship an act...its just so fake...if a relationship were to be like this...then why be in a relationship? Everything becomes so fake isn't it?
Tell me your view...I just wanna know if I am abnormal to think this way~
Friday, October 17, 2008
"You can cheat the whole world, you can't cheat yourself"
I have been putting this sentence as my personal message in msn for more than a week now. It reminds somebody and more to it, it reminds myself everyday...not to avoid my feelings anymore. This few days...whenever i saw this message that I put, i kept wondering...am I cheating myself? I don't know...until now I still don't...yeah I am happy at times...but is that all true? I wonder...
Why am I forcing myself so hard? Didn't I deserve something much better?
Why am I forcing myself so hard? Didn't I deserve something much better?
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Know & Do
Many people know many things. But knowing it is a story. Able to do it or not is another story. This happened so often...people can say loud loud on many things...but when things really happened...they don't do according to what they say.
Haih...its sad. I am still sad. It truly pierce into my heart this time. Although I say I already accept...but the wound is still there...very fresh and deeply cut. This scar will be with me forever. Though scar are okay, if the wound is treated well...Our body is full with scar isn't it?
I am perhaps stupid. I didn't even dare to tell any of my friends what is my decision. Coz they will not understand what I've been through and how I can come out of this. Yes I did not make the effort to make them understand...but i truly know that even if I tell them, they still won't understand. Just like the me last time. Coz when it doesn't happened on them, they will not believe. I know it very well, coz I really were like that too. I once told my friend that everything is fake, don't got cheated. I also once not being believe by my closest friend that I'll walk through the end of tunnel 1 day. Time is the best light walking in the tunnel.
Give people allowance. Life have a lot of mistake, but its about how you pick up yourself after falling. If you accidentally got cancer, you don't sentence yourself to death immediately. You find any way and do anything to sort out a way in the hope that you will be cured. It can't be gave up easily coz its your life! Some sickness might not be able be cure, but.............you never try, you really never know. Even if in the end you found out it can't be cured, you shattered, you died of sadness, this doens't mean we have to give up trying because possibly it can be cured! What will happen in future we can never know. We cannot predict. This also doesn't mean you should have regrets because it fails and should enjoy urself instead of curing it from the beginning...yes all your effort go to waste...BUT....like I had always said...at least you tried and have no regrets in life. You find out an answer. This is what I am going through now.
I can only hope and pray to god that he has already learn the lesson now.
Haih...its sad. I am still sad. It truly pierce into my heart this time. Although I say I already accept...but the wound is still there...very fresh and deeply cut. This scar will be with me forever. Though scar are okay, if the wound is treated well...Our body is full with scar isn't it?
I am perhaps stupid. I didn't even dare to tell any of my friends what is my decision. Coz they will not understand what I've been through and how I can come out of this. Yes I did not make the effort to make them understand...but i truly know that even if I tell them, they still won't understand. Just like the me last time. Coz when it doesn't happened on them, they will not believe. I know it very well, coz I really were like that too. I once told my friend that everything is fake, don't got cheated. I also once not being believe by my closest friend that I'll walk through the end of tunnel 1 day. Time is the best light walking in the tunnel.
Give people allowance. Life have a lot of mistake, but its about how you pick up yourself after falling. If you accidentally got cancer, you don't sentence yourself to death immediately. You find any way and do anything to sort out a way in the hope that you will be cured. It can't be gave up easily coz its your life! Some sickness might not be able be cure, but.............you never try, you really never know. Even if in the end you found out it can't be cured, you shattered, you died of sadness, this doens't mean we have to give up trying because possibly it can be cured! What will happen in future we can never know. We cannot predict. This also doesn't mean you should have regrets because it fails and should enjoy urself instead of curing it from the beginning...yes all your effort go to waste...BUT....like I had always said...at least you tried and have no regrets in life. You find out an answer. This is what I am going through now.
I can only hope and pray to god that he has already learn the lesson now.
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Accept & Admit
I never knew these 2 words are so hard to learn. I am just a coward whom acted so freaking well. I've cheated half of the world including myself. If you notice, I had deleted those posting of my real self. This happened before, quite a number of times. That is the reason why people say I am strong. Cause I can hide it so well. I wear a mask everyday. After things happened, only I am able to identify it, and finally I admit it and accept it. 21 years of life, I thought I was a very real and truthful person, so proud of myself that I am able to. I accept it but I can't change it...not for the time being...so, I shall remain like this until I can solve this big problem of my own. Everything that happened was rooted from there. I can't fight it, so I join it... I'll wear this mask coz i can't tear it away. I tried a few times, hardest this time, but I ended up with nothing. I gave up trying. Its not that bad wearing the mask. I already accept this.
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Moral
I remember in Audit Practice, there is 1 slide that talks about 3 stages of moral in our life.
1st stage is like when we were a kid, we do not do wrong things in order not to be punished. Actions are judged in terms of their physical consequences.
2nd stage is because of norm. You don't do it because you are afraid to be discriminated. Try to obey to law.
3rd stage is the highest level which is the determinant of how that person really is. Thinks about who will be affected, and the consequences. The person will look at overall interest, think of the moral issue. At the same time universal moral and ethical principles comes in.
People and situation may stop you from doing bad things. But when nobody is looking, will you? This is the principle and ethics planted inside a soul. Can everyone and every situation stop you from doing bad things?No. So its deep down inside that counts.
All these basic moral values are very important in order to be a real man.
This is a reminder to me, and to everyone who are reading. Good day! ;)
1st stage is like when we were a kid, we do not do wrong things in order not to be punished. Actions are judged in terms of their physical consequences.
2nd stage is because of norm. You don't do it because you are afraid to be discriminated. Try to obey to law.
3rd stage is the highest level which is the determinant of how that person really is. Thinks about who will be affected, and the consequences. The person will look at overall interest, think of the moral issue. At the same time universal moral and ethical principles comes in.
People and situation may stop you from doing bad things. But when nobody is looking, will you? This is the principle and ethics planted inside a soul. Can everyone and every situation stop you from doing bad things?No. So its deep down inside that counts.
All these basic moral values are very important in order to be a real man.
This is a reminder to me, and to everyone who are reading. Good day! ;)
Monday, October 06, 2008
Helpless-give up
I learnt something today...
HELPLESS IS BECAUSE YOU DO NOT WANT TO HELP YOURSELF
We said, nobody can help you if you don't want to help yourself. So while I was struggling, and tomorrow is exam, somebody enlighten in another big way, somehow I felt it so true.
Why torture myself? For what godsake?
NOBODY WILL LOVE YOU IF YOU DO NOT LOVE YOURSELF
The cheapest human is a human lives with no pride. Why give up yourself when people are still encouraging you? If you give up and not willing to accept positive things...no one can help you. You can force a horse to water, you can't force a horse to drink water. And don't shout helpless because you already gave up.
I stand up even stronger. ;)
HELPLESS IS BECAUSE YOU DO NOT WANT TO HELP YOURSELF
We said, nobody can help you if you don't want to help yourself. So while I was struggling, and tomorrow is exam, somebody enlighten in another big way, somehow I felt it so true.
Why torture myself? For what godsake?
NOBODY WILL LOVE YOU IF YOU DO NOT LOVE YOURSELF
The cheapest human is a human lives with no pride. Why give up yourself when people are still encouraging you? If you give up and not willing to accept positive things...no one can help you. You can force a horse to water, you can't force a horse to drink water. And don't shout helpless because you already gave up.
I stand up even stronger. ;)
Sunday, October 05, 2008
Just a feel of hurt
I once lose hope of finding...
I don't seek anymore...
but it seeks me...
Perfect says hello...
I told myself is fake...
something must be hiding...
For so long, that I started to believe is real...
I take it as real and I became so happy
I begin to give all my trust...
I climbed so high
Just when I am at the peak
I fall
Fall from so high
All the vision becomes fake
All the happiness becomes silly
All the believes turn doubts
All the sweet turn bitter
All the hope shattered
I started to get angry
Why was I not determine?
Why was I still hoping and accept when perfect says hello?
Regrets? No
Hurt? Very
Sorry is just a word. It will not heal...in fact nothing can really heal. What is done is done. I used to say, no use apologizing after killing a person. Your word of sorry cannot revive the deceased. A word of sorry is just to make yourself feel better. You might think I am so mean, but isn't that true? Maybe time is the only healer. It washes our memory little by little, by then when we forget the feeling of so hurt, by then when we don't remember in detail what had happened, only then, we felt better.
I don't seek anymore...
but it seeks me...
Perfect says hello...
I told myself is fake...
something must be hiding...
For so long, that I started to believe is real...
I take it as real and I became so happy
I begin to give all my trust...
I climbed so high
Just when I am at the peak
I fall
Fall from so high
All the vision becomes fake
All the happiness becomes silly
All the believes turn doubts
All the sweet turn bitter
All the hope shattered
I started to get angry
Why was I not determine?
Why was I still hoping and accept when perfect says hello?
Regrets? No
Hurt? Very
Sorry is just a word. It will not heal...in fact nothing can really heal. What is done is done. I used to say, no use apologizing after killing a person. Your word of sorry cannot revive the deceased. A word of sorry is just to make yourself feel better. You might think I am so mean, but isn't that true? Maybe time is the only healer. It washes our memory little by little, by then when we forget the feeling of so hurt, by then when we don't remember in detail what had happened, only then, we felt better.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
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