Beautiful

Many times, we often see people taking picture, saying that the photos were not nice enough, and so they will retake and retake, and retake and retake...again and again...until the end, they didn't really satisfy but just feeling awkward of taking too many times again.

So how nice is a nice picture? Who is the people that defines beautiful?

It is in my handphone that "confidence is the key to beautiful". Isn't beautiful are defined by human and aren't you a human too? We say, beauty is in the eye of beholder. So if you are confident enough to think and convinced that you are beautiful...no matter what picture you take, you would be satisfied. And so do the rest.

People whom thinks herself as not pretty enough, always ended up not satisfied although retaking uncountable times of their own picture. People say photoshop works. But most of the "after-photoshop picture" later shows someone that don't really look like yourself. SO are you trying to be someone else? Another "beautiful" person that you hope you can be? Isn't that creating another identity based on your look? So who is this "after-photoshop girl"? You or your-dream-look-identity?

Either be her! OR stay who you are. We are all unique, we are all special...we are beautiful in our own ways. Be confident of youself. So accept your own look. If you like people to say you are beautiful, make them say you are beautiful because you really are. The real you! Not someone else that you dreamed to be, not the fake you that you photoshoped.

Appreciates

Appreciates is a word...Appreciating is a verb. A verb is an action. Action is showing people regardless of whether you say it out or not. Appreciates whatever that you are having right now. If you take things for granted, very soon...you will lose it. Don't wait till when you are losing it, then you start to appreciate...by the time it may already be too late.

So, LEARN to appreciate everything that you have through action. Show them you care. ;)

Rainbow

Rainbow outside my window...

Running

I know I've been abandoning this blog for very long....I am sorry my friends...Life is very busy. With bf, with CDS, with friends... and alot of myself. Yeah, I was taking a week break, spending time in front of computers with movies, sleeping and eating...seriously enjoying life. Until yesterday that I realized...alot of CDS things are far behind schedule...so now, we are running and competing our pace with time. Keeping our brain active every seconds...thinking of possible problems...and finding all kinds of solutions to the existing problems and possible problems. Man, on the positive side, its very good. The more we counter, the more it happens, the more we gain and the more we learn.

I realize managing people are many things. You need to know how to satisfy them in order to make them satisfy you.

Capabilities are just so so. This means that, even though a person is capable but if he/she is not willing to contribute, it equals nothing. You may not notice, there are many people taking many positions, whom are very capable of doing many things...for the sake of certificates, recognition from the public...yes..but these people, alot of them really think that they are so good, that all they need to do is direct instead of action. Funny isn't it? They actually think that they have learn enough, so called more superior than the others. These people jus don understand the meaning of humbleness and continuous learning.

I've been enjoying myself too much. Haven't gone to class for like 3 weeks? Haih...I gave myself so many excuses...

Imagination is better than knowledge

Theories

Theories are just theories...IF you don't apply it.

My bf knew alot of theories....I knew alot of theories...everybody knew alot of theories...

What must and must not be done...BUT...are we applying it? We knew about many things...i really mean many many things...about life, about human, about ethics, about moral....BUT ARE WE APPLYING IT? (I am so emotional writing this)

I was struggling a few hours ago...today...I went to a workshop...it was a really good one...It shown us scientifically that everything is energy...our THOUGHTS ARE ENERGY.

By imagine it, believe it, concentrate it, we will definately achieve it! I manage to make 1 of my fingers grew longer...and majority of the people in that workshop manage to do so. Amazing huh?

So the conclusion is, we have to think positively...coz that positive thinking is an energy and it will make things work. Before you go out, think you can find a parking space...visualize it, imagine it...concentrate and believe it...try it. I succeed in 80%..people found the parking space.

Many people told me...i am a good girl...i am very special...many people told me that...and they say I really deserve someone good...but i never really believe it...or im not convinced with it...because the sad fact is...I have gone through many relationship and most of it turn out badly. So I had always thought...it was my problem...i am no good...thats why things happened...

Suddenly as fast as light, time strikes to me...perhaps...the right one just haven't come?

I donno why...it came to me that I find this friend of mine...i asked him...are we good friends? he told me I had asked him this question many times...(i never realize)...and of coz he said yes...maybe coz I really appreciate this friendship which I also donno why...

Did I realize the fact also shown me...I have many friends...many good and real friends...whom cares alot about me...and 1 of them is him(my friend that i contacted)...and perhaps I am not that bad rite? Really just the time not yet arrive?

So i told him about the feelings which I am feeling right then...

He asked me, why don't I aim a bigger one this time? Choose a real good one?

I said...I am afraid...scared? people made mistake and who knows if he turn over a new leaf...he will be a very good one? ARGHHH!!! I know all the theories very well..but towards myself...its just so hard to apply..all because I am very scared of hurting myself..how to buy an insurance for this?

He said , "no insurance...just don't take it so dearly. Ppl come n go. Live n die in our life. So why r u so bothered? If get get, if no just no. After all, we are living in a short life. As long u did, and taken your chances...even if it turns out bad...it doesn't matters also. In the end, everyone turn away...you still have yourself..."

Its back to ACCEPT WHATEVER IT COMES...

*sigh*

Tanks

I caught up a new hobby...

Isn't this very nice? Creating a 'home' for the fish?


CRS scrimp...don underestimate them...each of them cost probably 3 figures?




And aquatic plants...inside there are alot of baby scrimps...

While they were eating...this CRS are very very hard to rare...water pH and temperature have to be taken care of very carefully....

Hmm....I had a tank here, and currently having guppies, swordtail, cherry scrimp, snails, aquatic plants inside...Still learning and understanding them...and 1 day...my tank are gonna be very nice! heehehee

Struggle

I"ve tasted alot of feelings before...those deep and strong feelings....so at many times...I understand alot of feelings that people are going through...and I forgave them very easily because many of it...I have went through and I actually knew why they did so...coz I were like that too. Although you knew...knew so well...but there is always something left behind the heart...a benefit of doubts...for the survival of yourself...you cannot assume the other people as the same like yourself...so you doubt...and you struggle emotionally...but rationally you thought you need to...have to...have faith...trust it...believe it...*sigh*

Thank God

Have you ever felt the feeling that, you have done something wrong....you deserve something bad...you expected 70% that you will get bad, because simply you deserve it, cause you spoil it, never work hard enough for it....AND......YET........you get something good in return?

What is this feeling?

I think it is more than a feeling of glad...

No words is sufficient enough to express this feeling....

THANK GOD for this...

I passed my law paper, with the best result I am able to pass in the resit. Its just....too unexpected coz things really messed up 2 days before the resit. I hardly studied..and almost even didn't turn up for the exam, coz I thought it was simply a waste of time...I never really studied..But because I've already paid for the resit fees earlier...so I thought I will have to go there to just waste the time as well since I've already wasted the money....half way on the exam...I was having mild gastric...until I couldn't really write nor concentrate...I tried my very best to simply finish the questions and I came out like 45 minutes earlier?

Thank god!

Action

Action is an act. I may kiss, i may hug, i may be somebody else through action....people say life is like an actor on stage...i think that statement is so true...agree?

My boyfriend used to complain...perhaps still complaining till now...that sometimes, i push him away when he wants to hug or kiss me. I seldom initiate hug and kisses but when I do it, I really am doing it from the bottom of my heart. Seldom doing it, is that because I don't love him? From me, it is definately not!

Because towards him, (he is someone that I think I must and have to be true), so when I don't have the feel, I will push him away. Give me an opinion....is that not appropriate?

So if someone hug and kiss you all the time, only then you will feel love... is that so? Isn't those just an act if you don't mean it? So why act? If a relationship were to be an act, isn't that very pathetic besides being very ugly?

Personally I can't make a relationship an act...its just so fake...if a relationship were to be like this...then why be in a relationship? Everything becomes so fake isn't it?

Tell me your view...I just wanna know if I am abnormal to think this way~

"You can cheat the whole world, you can't cheat yourself"

I have been putting this sentence as my personal message in msn for more than a week now. It reminds somebody and more to it, it reminds myself everyday...not to avoid my feelings anymore. This few days...whenever i saw this message that I put, i kept wondering...am I cheating myself? I don't know...until now I still don't...yeah I am happy at times...but is that all true? I wonder...

Why am I forcing myself so hard? Didn't I deserve something much better?

Know & Do

Many people know many things. But knowing it is a story. Able to do it or not is another story. This happened so often...people can say loud loud on many things...but when things really happened...they don't do according to what they say.

Haih...its sad. I am still sad. It truly pierce into my heart this time. Although I say I already accept...but the wound is still there...very fresh and deeply cut. This scar will be with me forever. Though scar are okay, if the wound is treated well...Our body is full with scar isn't it?

I am perhaps stupid. I didn't even dare to tell any of my friends what is my decision. Coz they will not understand what I've been through and how I can come out of this. Yes I did not make the effort to make them understand...but i truly know that even if I tell them, they still won't understand. Just like the me last time. Coz when it doesn't happened on them, they will not believe. I know it very well, coz I really were like that too. I once told my friend that everything is fake, don't got cheated. I also once not being believe by my closest friend that I'll walk through the end of tunnel 1 day. Time is the best light walking in the tunnel.

Give people allowance. Life have a lot of mistake, but its about how you pick up yourself after falling. If you accidentally got cancer, you don't sentence yourself to death immediately. You find any way and do anything to sort out a way in the hope that you will be cured. It can't be gave up easily coz its your life! Some sickness might not be able be cure, but.............you never try, you really never know. Even if in the end you found out it can't be cured, you shattered, you died of sadness, this doens't mean we have to give up trying because possibly it can be cured! What will happen in future we can never know. We cannot predict. This also doesn't mean you should have regrets because it fails and should enjoy urself instead of curing it from the beginning...yes all your effort go to waste...BUT....like I had always said...at least you tried and have no regrets in life. You find out an answer. This is what I am going through now.

I can only hope and pray to god that he has already learn the lesson now.

Accept & Admit

I never knew these 2 words are so hard to learn. I am just a coward whom acted so freaking well. I've cheated half of the world including myself. If you notice, I had deleted those posting of my real self. This happened before, quite a number of times. That is the reason why people say I am strong. Cause I can hide it so well. I wear a mask everyday. After things happened, only I am able to identify it, and finally I admit it and accept it. 21 years of life, I thought I was a very real and truthful person, so proud of myself that I am able to. I accept it but I can't change it...not for the time being...so, I shall remain like this until I can solve this big problem of my own. Everything that happened was rooted from there. I can't fight it, so I join it... I'll wear this mask coz i can't tear it away. I tried a few times, hardest this time, but I ended up with nothing. I gave up trying. Its not that bad wearing the mask. I already accept this.

Moral

I remember in Audit Practice, there is 1 slide that talks about 3 stages of moral in our life.

1st stage is like when we were a kid, we do not do wrong things in order not to be punished. Actions are judged in terms of their physical consequences.
2nd stage is because of norm. You don't do it because you are afraid to be discriminated. Try to obey to law.
3rd stage is the highest level which is the determinant of how that person really is. Thinks about who will be affected, and the consequences. The person will look at overall interest, think of the moral issue. At the same time universal moral and ethical principles comes in.

People and situation may stop you from doing bad things. But when nobody is looking, will you? This is the principle and ethics planted inside a soul. Can everyone and every situation stop you from doing bad things?No. So its deep down inside that counts.

All these basic moral values are very important in order to be a real man.

This is a reminder to me, and to everyone who are reading. Good day! ;)

Helpless-give up

I learnt something today...

HELPLESS IS BECAUSE YOU DO NOT WANT TO HELP YOURSELF

We said, nobody can help you if you don't want to help yourself. So while I was struggling, and tomorrow is exam, somebody enlighten in another big way, somehow I felt it so true.

Why torture myself? For what godsake?

NOBODY WILL LOVE YOU IF YOU DO NOT LOVE YOURSELF

The cheapest human is a human lives with no pride. Why give up yourself when people are still encouraging you? If you give up and not willing to accept positive things...no one can help you. You can force a horse to water, you can't force a horse to drink water. And don't shout helpless because you already gave up.

I stand up even stronger. ;)

Just a feel of hurt

I once lose hope of finding...
I don't seek anymore...
but it seeks me...
Perfect says hello...
I told myself is fake...
something must be hiding...
For so long, that I started to believe is real...
I take it as real and I became so happy
I begin to give all my trust...
I climbed so high
Just when I am at the peak
I fall
Fall from so high
All the vision becomes fake
All the happiness becomes silly
All the believes turn doubts
All the sweet turn bitter
All the hope shattered
I started to get angry
Why was I not determine?
Why was I still hoping and accept when perfect says hello?
Regrets? No
Hurt? Very

Sorry is just a word. It will not heal...in fact nothing can really heal. What is done is done. I used to say, no use apologizing after killing a person. Your word of sorry cannot revive the deceased. A word of sorry is just to make yourself feel better. You might think I am so mean, but isn't that true? Maybe time is the only healer. It washes our memory little by little, by then when we forget the feeling of so hurt, by then when we don't remember in detail what had happened, only then, we felt better.

Believe it or not?

EH, obviously this does not belong to me. So DON'T ROB ME PLS~~

Stuck here

The family company want to buy new laptop for a clerk. I suggested to give the clerk my laptop since the clerk just using it to do some data entry work. But my sis said, the budget is only 2k+. If buy for me, then have to add budget...she is considering~~ @@ I WANT NEW LAPTOP!!! Im so sick with this 512mb RAM.

Btw, external hardisk price will decrease tremendously after Hari Raya. So if you plan to buy, hold your plan.

I want to go holiday~~~!!! Gosh I have so so many things to do, BUT money is always the constraint. SHIT~

Should I add $ for a new laptop or go holiday?

YOU

I am going to limit my blog to people and people who are just i recognize. I was very surprised today that my mum got to know about the advertisement I shoot for Tourism Malaysia. She even know very detail. I donno what is the intention but somebody really had some intention to reveal this thing knowing my mum didn't like us doing that kind of thing. She said is her friend told her about it...but with the amount of detail she provides me...I don't think is that simple. She even said she want to view that website. I asked her who told her she didn't want to tell me. She asked me why. I said I want to know WHO ARE YOU SO KEPOH? then she said, like that call kepoh mer? I told her obviously YES!!! WHO ARE YOU TO INTERFERE MY BUSINESS AND GO TELL MY FAMILY MEMBERS HARLO? WHY DO YOU SO TAKE NOTICE ON ME AND SO KEPOH GO HELP ME DO PUBLICITY? surely the intention can't be very good...

I give you people 7 days time, to send a comment and drop your email address and tell me who are you, strangers also can as long as your status don't threaten me. Sorry for the trouble, but thank you.

I already thought of doing this, but thinking this really troubles people and I stop there everytime. Somehow this happening convinced me towards a final decision...yes I have to do it. ;)

Money

Money can mean nothing. Money can mean everything.

My friend asked me, what will you do if you suddenly won a toto of a few thousands. I am somebody whom don believe in luck. So... but no harm having a penny of thought...

Firstly I think a few thousands is a material figure for a student like me, so..when you suddenly have an amount of money, I said suddenly and it comes out of no where, just by pure luck... I don't think I will feel very good.

Most people will feel really happy. Its like money dropped from the sky. Say it be I am so pessimistic. But I believe, like what in verse I believed, bad things happened for a good reason. So good things happened for a bad reason too. I know I sounded like I think too much. But hell yeah~ you really donno whats going to come...

Normally people would start thinking how they should spend their money. Instead of thinking how you should spend, on my 2nd thought, I thought I should think how I should create more money using the money I owned now, so that it will be more valuable than it already is.

Hmm...people should not day dream having this kind of luck. Maybe it strikes once in hundreds or perhaps millions...I really think the chinese phrase saying human should step his leg on strong ground, "jiao ta shi di" meaningful.

At least this is what my education and experience thought me.

Conclusion, STOP DAY DREAMING LARH~!

Robbiedes

I just thought this is very yeng...from a UTAR student, a BP friend of mine...



1 of his assignment named "Contaminated" swap away 4 Astro Awards...
OUTSTANDING MUSIC VIDEO
EXCEPTIONAL LYRICS
FINEST MUSIC & ARRANGEMENT
PHENOMENAL ART DIRECTION


Oh, "The Last Exit" is his recent work. It was a good short movies.

I like this song alot...this is by his sister.

Examing

Now at 7.40pm, I am mentally exhausted. After 4 days break, the motivations seems to fade away with all the relaxing and enjoying outings. Man, this is no good. I am supposed to get very good result for tomorrow's subject. Now I am a bit stuck, lost, give up, although i kept telling myself I CAN'T!

I need to turn my fighting spirits ON!

Its not tough, I CAN DO IT! Like once...

(2 more subjects to go)

Still here still here...

Before you made a decision, THINK carefully. Make a decision, be decisive and be firm with your decision. Obstacles come...and towards some people, they are going to doubt whether they have made a right decision. If you spend time doubting, you are wasting your time..coz since decision is already made, why think whether is right or wrong? Think of a solution is better than thinking whether you are right or wrong isn't it?

Determine with your decision is going to make things happening and make your decision right.

Sorry people, I am very busy studying...haven't been this lazy before. I played way too much, again. I am going to do badly for the exam, I hope not.

Though, I am very happy with my current life. :) Thank god for giving me this chance to revive. I will appreciate it.

I am trying hard to strike a balance in everything.

Mind development

Its impossible to make anybody understand here unless they witness the process, but I would want myself to remember this great lesson I learn today.

We went to visit the campsite today, so with Mr Ng(our inspirer, motivator and trainer) there, I tried on 1 of the obstacle course.


When I first see it, I thought it wasn't very hard.
When I step on it, I can't even balance myself standing still, I thought it is impossible for me to reach the end.
I tried. Failed.
Again. Failed.
Irene tried, failed.
Irene 2nd trying. Failed.
Mr Ng, a 68 years old man, step his leg on it. Commented, "its harder than it seems..."
He tried, succeeded in his 1st attempt slowly.


I tried again, failed.
Again, failed.
Mr Ng told me, its all about confidence, whether your mind think you can do it. (Because I was telling myself I can't do it from the beginning...and that develops in my brain, telling my body, I can't do it)
Whenever I start walking, the whole thing shakes and the more I tried to control...it shakes even harder...when I tell my brain I can't. Nothing is shaking, my leg is the one making it shake like mad. You can't believe how much it shakes...
I rested for a few minutes.


Then I step on it. Take a deep deep breathe. Concentrate REALLY REALLY HARD. It shakes alot, but I continue and told myself, MAN, I CAN DO IT!
I succeeded, with alot of encouragement from Mr Ng. Though in a kind of mess.
I tried again.
It takes much shorter time. AND
it almost doesn't shake.
Mr Ng saw it, he said...."you see...now you can do it well. Why?"
Because I've succeeded in it before, and I am so confident that I can reach the end.

Maybe it doesn't show how huge is the different here. But I am so impressed and I learn a great lesson here. How a person should concentrate and control your body to work with it.

I realized why I am so much better in doing things that I am familiar with. At few times during the journey, Mr Ng realized that I have a bad habit of telling myself I cannot this and that, and I think all about the obstacles first without thinking how to turn the obstacles into benefits(I still didn't really get this yet). But yeah, I do have this habit. I tell myself I cannot first...before this I thought we should be prepared for the worse, by telling ourselves is hard, then we will work harder for it. I never realized these thoughts can develop alot in your mind, and indirectly it will convey these negatives thoughts towards people before you notice it...and fail your attempt seemingly like its nothing to do with us, as expected it is not easy to succeed.

Indirectly.

Mind development.

It takes 21 days to form a habit, provided you are conscious about it.

We also learn about fear, but I've read that in books and felt it before. So, nothing much about that.

Baby Fishes

I saw the whole process ler...I saw the baby come out from the stomach ler!!!


32 babies sword tail...

DAMN CUTE lerr....~~~

Guilt

Guilty is an act of responsibility. Yesterday was a night full of guilt.

First, it happened like this. I was challenged to drink a saucer of chili and he will drink a cann of beer. To me, that chili is nothing, in fact I find it taste good. I accepted the challenge and when I was about to drink it, he got a shock and he stop me. He told me, he lose...but I do not have to drink.

He is a man that couldn't drink. So he drank a whole cann of Stout although I beg him not to. He said lose means lose. He felt very guilty for making me wanna drink that chili and he got a shock when I really mean to do it. He said he really didn't want me to drink that thing as a friend. I felt even more guilty. Luckily he still can survive although got high a little. The whole night I was apologizing to him and explain myself but I think it doens't work. He said he felt even more guilty. @@

During the incident...I was accidentally played until falling off from the chair. Another him felt really sorry to me although everybody knew it wasn't his fault. Hm...but mouth very hard...so I told him I don't forgive him, want him to be guilty forever. He kept apologizing..and at some point of time...I donno what he did or what he said..I felt like slapping him so much and he asked me to do so when I told him about it. At that time...I didn't think further and slap him hard in front of his friends. I realize that hell I just did right after it happened. So the whole night was then MESS. I didn't know what to do, how to amend or do anything to help. It is not thought in my life how to deal with this...so all I do is ignore.

On the way back... he kept apologizing.

It isn't the matter of me falling down...pain or what. My heart is much more pain, and I can't forgive myself for doing that. I was all the way very emo and I guess he thought because I fell down while is not at all, coz he didn't do it purposely while I did.

I straight off the light and try hard to sleep immediately once I reached home. Hate that feeling to core.

Guilt can kill.

______________________________________________

Although Lee Chong Wei lost the gold medal, but HEY, he represents Malaysia and he sacrificed many things to have reach this level. Please Malaysian....not because he lost that medal, we are going to think he is not good or what. He is human with feelings too!

To this girl...

Before human realize that the earth is round....

They THOUGHT the earth its flat. Because from what they see....its flat. And people beliefs what they see.

Today, in this century...its no longer just what we see...

Grow up and THINK before you SHOOT.

Before exam FUn

First, I think I am very pretty...so I am very happy...haha My theme for the day is "BITCH". But fail la...im not enough bitchy at all...


I donno how to share this, I think just by looking at the pictures can reflects all the feelings...

Camwhoring in the car...wuhoo~
The pretty girls...another reason I am so damn happy is, many girls and mostly consist of REALLY CAN PLAY ONES!!!

My classmates...really can play people...hahaa!!! I love crazying with them...crazy with responsible and limits.

If you think they are drunk, no...we haven't started drinking at the time...coz we are waiting for 12o'clock to strike to shift to a bigger place. While waiting we were damn boring, so we get high ourselves...

This is Ah Po aka Anderson...damn long time no see friend!!! VERY HAPPY to see him!

Yeay, she is very crazy... I mean all of us are crazy...but its damn fun...SO WHO CARES?
The 1st cheers...wonderful!


Okay...this is after some alcohol effect...
The cross cheers...


And more cheers...


Crazy peoples....wuhooO~~

AhPo, Vi and Cheryl...

Okey...then they start crazy d...







A very happy couple...

After that, I was downstairs taking care of this girl...

I miss all the high peak scenes...too bad~ Next time...

Can't find myself

Sometimes I am practicing too much of objective viewpoint until i often lost of myself. Is this good or bad? I feel is bad for now. Coz the bad impact is now on and im so dilemma. Days ago, I tell people that this is A. People tell me, is not A but Z and gave me all the reasons why. I will still say its A, try to convince people and make them believe why I 'believe' so as if I am so into it. But when I am alone, I will spend time thinking perhaps its Z, it could be Z and if there is 1 out of 100 that it could be Z, perhaps....I've met the 99 of As but I should not conclude that all 100 are As. This might be the 100th Z I am meeting.


Man, this is feeling not very good. Who is the real me?

*10 minutes later* Never mind...I will deal well with it. (: As always, isn't it?

Fun Wed

Some communication problems...supposed to reach at 12.30, but the guy somehow told us to reach at 11am...so we waited at Sunway Piramid. And that is how I spent my salary before earning it, shopped at MNG and camwhore.


After that the people call us, so we head to Coco Banana. And this is the wardrobe dept.


We act as waitress, so we look like this.
The people...acting as clubbers...

The leading artists...

This is Ivan, acting like a 'pro'

I donno who is this guy...we manage to play around camwhoring and joking while waiting for the director to shout action.

Basically we had only 2 scenes...mostly consist of just walking from one end to the other end...

Rehearsal many times, and it finally come to an end at 2.30pm, lasted 2 hours only~ Signed our agreement...

And get our pay...WEE!


Were treated KFC...

On the way balik kampung, Ivan said there is a cendol in SS15 very famous...indeed!

And it tastes good, especially while the wheather is hot.
Deadly tired.