Guilt

Guilty is an act of responsibility. Yesterday was a night full of guilt.

First, it happened like this. I was challenged to drink a saucer of chili and he will drink a cann of beer. To me, that chili is nothing, in fact I find it taste good. I accepted the challenge and when I was about to drink it, he got a shock and he stop me. He told me, he lose...but I do not have to drink.

He is a man that couldn't drink. So he drank a whole cann of Stout although I beg him not to. He said lose means lose. He felt very guilty for making me wanna drink that chili and he got a shock when I really mean to do it. He said he really didn't want me to drink that thing as a friend. I felt even more guilty. Luckily he still can survive although got high a little. The whole night I was apologizing to him and explain myself but I think it doens't work. He said he felt even more guilty. @@

During the incident...I was accidentally played until falling off from the chair. Another him felt really sorry to me although everybody knew it wasn't his fault. Hm...but mouth very hard...so I told him I don't forgive him, want him to be guilty forever. He kept apologizing..and at some point of time...I donno what he did or what he said..I felt like slapping him so much and he asked me to do so when I told him about it. At that time...I didn't think further and slap him hard in front of his friends. I realize that hell I just did right after it happened. So the whole night was then MESS. I didn't know what to do, how to amend or do anything to help. It is not thought in my life how to deal with this...so all I do is ignore.

On the way back... he kept apologizing.

It isn't the matter of me falling down...pain or what. My heart is much more pain, and I can't forgive myself for doing that. I was all the way very emo and I guess he thought because I fell down while is not at all, coz he didn't do it purposely while I did.

I straight off the light and try hard to sleep immediately once I reached home. Hate that feeling to core.

Guilt can kill.

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Although Lee Chong Wei lost the gold medal, but HEY, he represents Malaysia and he sacrificed many things to have reach this level. Please Malaysian....not because he lost that medal, we are going to think he is not good or what. He is human with feelings too!