Tired

Some ppl keep making noise that I didn't blog...

Life is really tiring here, I enjoy time with my colls, they are really friendly and helpful people. Working is more enjoyable now, lesser mistake, but still so sotong...able to complete job faster...

Financial still very tight, really hate this feeling, and AM GOING TO END THIS reall real real real soon. The last time I feel financial insecurity was 4 years ago, when I first started at KL. Now in Singapore. Even my savings in Malaysia needs to divide by 0.4255.

Reach home late everyday, either went out with colls or work overtime. Then so "bu-shuang" to sleep right away, so ended up sleeping like 11.30 or 12. Woke up 6am everyday. So I only slept 5 hours a day...

So many things undone. Just completed the exemptions from CIMA, going to execute the plan to do part time study on June. Life will continue to be this tired for 2 years. Im going to get used to it.

Of coz I miss times when I was studying, but missing is not going to help. So I shall look FORWARD rather than backward. I never think I am very young. Although many people are telling me this...to have NO working experience at 23 is rather late for me. Lots of plan come in mind, like which year to get married, to have a house, car, babies....

It freaks me out. Can somebody catch up with what my mind is thinking ahead? Too many uncertainty...

Pride & ego

People whom really know me deep inside would have know im somebody so full of pride and ego. Sometimes even that im conscious that myEGO is stopping me from being happy, moving on, winning, gaining something, I would have let that be...

Its not good rite?

Im so stupid.. I want to change. There was 1 time becoz of idiot pride, I almost lose a best friend in life!

Im borned that way am I? I should be happier....why am I serving my pride? Not myself? Or me is my pride?

I gotto say sometimes my pride makes me working harder, being smarter....but does that brings me more pros or more cons?

THat, I will need to think about it.

Balance is almost impossible....Can I be impossible, to grab all the goods of having ego, and throw all the bad of having ego?

I have to be more cunning..hehe

What a Friday

This is Friday, I tell you Im lonely, sucks big time. I realized I have no kaki in BP. Anytime in KL, I can find ppl to accompany for chilling out. Ppl will not look at me 1 kind and ask, why r u so crazy.

Life is so different now. I wish to use all that I have to buy back time like before. Just 1 call, and friends are here.... Am I that desperate?

I drank 2 canns of Carlsberg and all this thought started to came into me. I wish to continue on(friend's wedding tmr, so partying at her house). But I had to fetch my sis back, again responsibility...so gotto go back. I wish I have a second round....I wish....

So i came back home, drinking another 2 canns myself...I wish my friends were here....I wish I had you guys...really...

Extra mile

This week is our company closing. EVery bi-annually we will have a closing. Yesterday I work till 11.40am. My coll n manager work till 12 sth...

I wish to go extra mile, to prove im worthy. But extra mile? Man, this is just not Malaysia! U wan extra mile? You have to work till 8pm almost everyday(like my coll in my dept) and if u really wan EXTRA MILE, you gotta be cleverer than your boss in your workfield. In my case I can be, becoz my boss only have experience with not much education. The only thing that she expects from me is my knowledge on costing. What we learnt in MADM, FIM and those. But I reach home 8pm everyday tired like shit, don't even have time for myself. How to find time to explore those and explain to my boss and try to apply on my company? Activity based costing? Its too early...although I've work for 1 month.

Extra mile?
Long way to go.....

I know all those are just excuses. Extra mile requires sacrifices without extreme reasonable logic....You just do it without much thinking on wat you will be paid for.

LIfe

This was at Suntec, I got lost, and walk for almost 2 hours. In the end I gave up...simply hop into a bus and found the bus stop...Saw the thing...wats that call? Its freaking big, but I didn't get to take a real pic of it.

Another thing I really like abt Singapore is, their shopping mall likes to play with water. When I saw this, I was like...woww.....this is like real crystal...


THere was another time I went to Raffles City, they used water drops to drop down Welcome to Rafles City...Its amazing rite? Simple thing can be so nice. I guess is not hard to make such a thing. But just why Malaysian fountain are always spoiled? Or full of rubbish?


This is at the Convention Centre. The escalator itself got I think 4 story high and beside you is from ground floor to 6th floor. U understand what I mean? When I first used it, frankly I was SCARED! The sides are empty. My hands and legs sweat when I was going up.


The fast pace life in Singapore. Here, people walk very fast. Everything is faster. Their escalator also much faster...they upgrade real fast. My company's product update like 2-6 times(a single same product) a month.... and their system keep updating.

Despite all the technology, there are nice scenery everywhere. The scenery was much nicer but my camera don have such a lense that is as wide as our eyes.

Just a short post.

Singaporean

Many people have wrong perception towards Singaporean...something that so far I've been here, I want to justify...

So many incidents happened throughout the 1 month, makes me feel Singaporean and Singapore are really nice.

Many times, I hop onto the bus and do not know where to alight, I will ask the bus driver. The bus driver would rmb where you want to go, even though after 1 hour journey and tell you to alight at the right bus stop. When I first went to interview, the bus driver even tell me the instruction given by my HR was wrong because the gate only open at certain hour. He then show me which was the correct way to alight and tell me where is my company. He even offer to teach me how to take busses and gave me a short briefing abt Singapore...

Today, the bus driver I think he forgot to remind me where to alight, but an auntie tab on my shoulder, telling me this is Lavender MRT station. I was so surprised, quite scared when somebody tab me...but Im so grateful. Singaporean are really nice and helpful.

In MRT today, an english woman turn to me and told me my toe is very nice. We then chit chat abit. Again, I was surprise, why a stranger talk to me. Back in Malaysia, I would be so afraid if a stranger talk to me. Like they are trying to make me give go to the ATM and press money out for them...

The best part abt Singapore is, everything is about half the price compare to Malaysia. But your salary amount is the same. IN Malaysia we earn almost RM2000. In Singapore, we earn SGD 1600. But In Malaysia, a NIKE shoe cost you RM200. In Singapore, a NIKE shoe is only SGD 85. !!!!! and ALMOST everything is like that. Shokubutsu(i donno how to spell) refill pack only SGD2.6. Perfume, only SGD 40-80 for biggest bottle.

If I don't convert the rate, I will become shopping crazy....Coz Im so not used to seeing things so freaking cheap here, I feel like buying ANYTHING!!!!

OK, Im really tired. Good nite.

My goal?

Its almost been 1 month I started a new life in Singapore. Last week, I made 2 big mistake in work. 1 of it was accidentally changed the "empress dowager's" doc. It causes a mess, my head sent an email to apologise but she wanted to "avoid" such thing happened again, she wanted to unaccess our dept towards that data. It will caused my dept a great trouble in future. My head explain how inconvenience it will be to us, so she basically shut up, I just hope this mistake will not be brought up again. The 2nd mistake was update something wrongly, causes finance dept's cost changes.

At the beginning, I told myself that I wanted to complete CIMA in 2 years time (4 more papers left). ----> currently, I've done nothing to it.

My goal is to obtain PR in 1 year time. To own a flat or watsoever place in 3 years time. My goal seems so far away. I wanted to be somebody in 2 years time. Can I acheieve that? I doubt...

Basically, when I realized the 2nd mistake was made, I was totally blank and panic. Luckily my DEpt head is really a very good person. She not only did not scold me, she just told me to be more careful next time and its okay..

My coll are nice too. Get to know them better as time passes. But to me, Singapore is still a stranger place to me. Everything is wholly new. I tell myself all this is just a beginning. I believe in the choices I made. Someday, Singapore will give me alot of opportunities.

At this moment, I just hope, time passes more quickly.

The Wounds

Now I can understand why some siblings/parents can never talk to their family for years. There are some wounds so deep until it becomes a kind of hatred that you didn't yourself even want to admit it.

Isn't family suppose to be the one who offer out hand when you are in need? When you need support? When you need help? Why now just isn't my case?

I've been dealing with my emotional self, telling myself forgive and forget. There is no overnight hate in a family. But why? I didn't want to look into her eyes anymore. My heart ache everytime she asked me anything that is regarding money.

I wrote in FB,

"If she can understand not everyone is as "thick face" as her, then she would understand why am i so sensitive. If she can understand her own attitude, then she would gain more respect from people. And if she read this, I meant well"

Just now, she ask me why did I make my passport so early? She wanted me to make like tmr go Spore, today go make. Coz konon-nya wanna save the time and $! I was very pissed and told her in a bad tone that I am attending the interview on Wed!

I had said I wanted to make passport since donno when. Now I hope people know what is holding me back. I scared I do already, later she says I do so early. So, I at first ended up didn't dare to send out resume coz I am scared that later they ask me to go Spore, den I have no passport. In the end, when the 1st arguments came out abt my living expenses, I told myself FUCK OFF and send out my resume. In the end I manage to get the interview 1 week after the notice. So I make my passport ONLY TODAY!

And she said I never told her I had interview on this Wed. So she was very angry and she shouts at me. Said why she couldn't even ask me a question! Look at the way she ask a question man. If she wanna ask me, and she knew I had already make a passport, she would ask, " when is your interview in spore?" Obviosly she know I am planning to work in Spore. and She knew I had been saying I wanted to make a passport since more than 1 month ago.

If she wanted to ask, she would ask, "when is your interview?" or "when are you attending your interview, how come you made your passport today?"

NO, excuse me. She asked, "WHY YOU MAKE YOUR PASSPORT SO EARLY!"

My mother asked me to get that RM300 from her in front of them. Im telling my mum tmr that I am not going to talk to her now and then regarding money. If my mum really wants it, then I would take out from my saving account and pay it myself.

FUCK IT.

I tell you, I really hate her!

depress

I couldn't sleep even though im so tired. I feel like depress la...

these 2 days i feel so pressure. So many ppl have different expectation towards me. Whatever decision I make, I am going to disappoint alot of people. The last people that I wanted to disappoint, is my family. Can they give me more support emotionally?

Why can't I have more proper time to talk with my family regarding my future. There are so many questions in my head, that I didn't know who I can refer to.

There are so many uncertainties. I hate it. I know I am pressuring myself so much now. Because boat reach shore will straight. But, I don't want it to reach shore still straight can? What if it won't be straight? Yes, I am so pessimist.

At first I told my bf to have a part time job. Because he only study on Thursday. So is very waste of time to sleep at home for 6 days and just study for 1 day. I suggest him to get a marketing or admin related job so that he gain some working experience. At first he wanted to work at some hotel as waiter, I tell him to better not. So he nicely get a Marketing job now. And he now said he probably will not want to go Spore anymore because he love his job here.

That means if I go to work in Spore I will be all alone. And we will be in long distance rship. I just hate being in long distance relationship. Which to me it almost means that the relationship will end. I know I can start a new relationship, but I love my bf and I hate to start all over again.

I just want to chase my dream............all my friends are supporting me, I know. But the most important support is from family.

I feel so so sad over it. I know there are alot of chores to do at home. I know!

F**K

I am an accountant-to-be okay? to me, wasting time is wasting the most precious resources a human had! Much more value-able than $$$$ becoz NOTHING can buy time! I can't make myself to say I am 23 years old this year! WTF, and I am still wasting time!!!! WITH NO WORKING EXPERIENCE.

My current GOAL

Get a CIMA related job, preferably budgeting/costing related job. Get 2 years working experience either in KL or Singapore.

Complete CIMA in 2 years (part time).

Get a job in Singapore. And climb the ladder.

IMpression

Impression gives people an image of your identity. It makes people expect what is your next move in almost-the-same situation. Even though perhaps you will not do the same like what people expect you to, but first impression already won over you a chance to START. From there only you gain an opportunity to fill in the blank, correct your impression either being better or being worse, forming an image.

If you successfully won a good first impression, many things even you had done wrong, people will creatively think of a good reason/excuse for things to settle with it. 1 time, 2 times, 3 times, 4 times, you are given more chance/longer time to form a bad impression.

My friend once said, last impression is how a person remembers you.

I think I always give a very good first impression but a bad last impression. That maybe explain why people so often come and go in my life.

1st post in 2010

Out of a sudden, I click in my blog. I realized there is no 2010 template on the right hand side. Which means I had not posted any post ever since 2010. Lets see. NOw is 13 of January. I forgot when is my last post.

I read through my blog again. I will be back to blogging....I miss blogging far too much. And I am regret. I gonna spend time here, this is what I promised to myself. Get back here later.

Btw, I wonder if any people are still following this blog...haha

The greatness of Synergy Effect

I didn't understand what synergy means but I remembered we used to say that no one is perfect. But, nobody have ever said no group is perfect rite?

How to explain synergy?

I personally feel it so strong during Companies training. In a simple cheer leading competition, it can be of no attractive than the other, what so ever, but when you know how to create the environment to let other people do it together with you, TOGETHER!, then, that is call synergy effect. The impact is so strong that it almost wins EVERYTHING ELSE.

Imagine in a group, everybody their bad habits and own "culture". But as long as there is awareness, when the habits came, group member can always be as a reminder, support the other and encourage one another. And later, new habits and new culture formed and spread and how good this society is then?

It requires a very OPEN HEART to believe the DIFFERENCE in people. Instead of being frustrated, UNDERSTAND and ACCEPT the weakness in people, why they are doing so. Be forgiving, learn to forgive and forget, give chance, as everybody deserves another chance.

Recently, I re-realised that they are so many GOOD IN PEOPLE, in every human race. They are also the bad ones. It fully depends on which side whether is the good or the bad you wanted to focus on your brain, which then forms an impression. And whether you believed it or not, what you focus is going to expand. So, we choose how things are going to be. Because WE CHOOSE WHAT WE THINK!

Interest

Few days ago, I met with 1 of my mentor. He is an old man who had already gone more than half the centuries, who had inspired so many people, yet so humble and ambitious. Thank you.

So he inspired me and I came out with this words a few days ago, "where lies the interest, there goes the career"

It might sound very stupid, because one of my friend doubted it so much, then he asked me, what about those guy who only likes to play games. Should they make it their career too? I answered it can, but you need to be really good at it.

Before I found what I really wanted to do, I always tell people that I would like to continue studying because it is very nice where you have alot of free time, and have less financial stress. I like studying so much that I didn't know what will happened after I finished my degree. So I decided to further my studies.

Today, I think I found my path. My mindset changed. Instead of wanting to continue my study, having alot of freedom that I can go anywhere I like, I look forward to the life that I can truly focus on, things I really wishes to do in order to build my career. Many things are holding me back now, like exams are coming, I must focus on my studies instead of anything else.

We are so young, so fresh, that we are full of ideas and ideas, 1 thing is stopping us, time and knowledge to the ideas.

Everyday, I look forward to my graduation which will be end of December this year so that I can expand myself and achieve my dream of life. 

I told my bf this morning that no matter how hard our life is going to be, we are going to buy a house as soon as we can because you can't rent a place to stay forever. He agreed. Its going to be difficult but I guess it is not too difficult for us to make things happened. We will build our empire together!

I appreciate the wisdom. Thank you. :)

The friendship

If it hurt her that much...it hurts me even more. Its all because of that blog I wrote weeks ago about the friends. She said we are no longer friend ever since I wrote that post in my blog. "How many years friends we are, and she(refers to me) doubted on my personality", she said.

I know I really acted so childish yesterday. I was drunk and angry with whatever hell I am in. I am so sad over everything. Feeling hopeless. She asked me to stay overnight but how am I to face everything after what had happened in the early next morning when we are finally awake? How am I to face her parents when I am in such a stage... Can she understand why and let me?

We are both stubborn.

To many, love are their last thing left after losing everything. To me, pride will be the only thing left for me. So no matter what in that kind of situation, I am not gonna lose my pride. I know its stupid. But my life is so stupid.

We had both say things really hurtful. I hope we apply what she told me yesterday...drunk and when angry words are to be deleted. Because i know we are just so hurt...nobody really meant what we said.

I sent messages to apologised...but it is being ignored. This seems to be our cross road, depending we have the will to save this friendship or not. How much we value it and believe this is just one of the obstacles we have to face to make oure frienship grow even stronger than before.

My eyes now are very scary when I woke up. I think back what happened and I remember she hit me because I told her to fuck off and told her I can't stay over because I have my pride. Its more painful in the heart.

I hope after what happened yesterday we can become friends like before again. Never mind it takes time. I will wait for the day to come.  Because I treasure this friendship.

Care?

So when toleration has reached its limit, we decided it is time. To hurt this relationship... Did he cared? Why should I being so good but not appreciated? Why be good then? Rebel.

I am not someone you can simply yell at when you are unhappy...no matter what happens!

tired

It seems to everybody that we are handling this relationship very well..but book shall not be judged by its cover..this explains our relationship..many times,frustration and anger are just on for 2minutes and with a swallow of saliva, it is then being forgotten until it happens again..and again..and again..and to the point that it burst out like now. Its been several times that i felt he is already given this relationship up, because no matter how hard i try to solve the problem, he seems motionless, just keep asking me what do i want in a very bad manner.. It hurts! Im jus merely trying to figure things out but what i get in return is a pail of cold water poured over my face.. I kept telling myself that i treasure this relationship, i can't act emotionally, i must control myself but! What do i get in return..u can guest it.. Im kinda tired.. I told him not to regret today after i had a talk with him about everything. He still remains the same. Thus, i told him that i take back my every words, pretend i had never said it before, and we give each other freedom to do everything each wants to do..why fuck do i care for his feeling so much? Have he cared for my feelings??? man, i hope i am not, but i am really sick of things repeating and he being motionless again..as if i am the only person wanting this relationship to continue on..i don want to work the relationship on my own! Fuck off!

Who you really mix with reflects who you are

Normally we chooses close friends that suited ourselves. The thinking, the behaviour, and the characteristic. When you change, your friends change too...

But many times, we don't choose friends because we want to be friendly. So we friend almost everybody that comes across. But friends influences our everything so much so that one will not even realized that at first you were disagreeing with your "friends" and now, you are doing those thing together with your same friends.

It is very disappointing to say that human are very fragile in everyway. Because we needed so much of support and the feeling of "not alone", this itself can become very positive and negative.

Something happened that I wrote this, I might be wrong but I am kinda sad.

One of my closest friend likes to put people "aeroplane". I don't know whether she even notice it or sees it as something significant. As for me, I am the person always being put aeroplane to, I felt really irritated and annoyed. There was a part time job offers, I told her about it and she agreed. Weeks later, she totally forgotten about it and when I reminds her, she just told me she already promised other friend to work somewhere else in a kind of apolegetic voice.

By right, she promises to work for here first, if she really forgotten, then isn't it that she is supposed to reject the other side? Or because the payments over there is more? Either reason, it is not really acceptable....(I know I am so judgemental...)

So we are left to clean the mess for her. Trying to explain to the person whom asked us to work and find a replacement. How irresponsible?

Today, me and my assingments group member had a tiff. 2 days ago, I talked to 1 of the member about the company which we are supposed to choose. Both of us sort of analysed the questions and I told him that I will be doing part A. Yesterday me and him confirmed the company. Suddenly today, another of my assingments group member sms me and said she will do part A and I will do part C. I already done half of part A. So I told her to do part cCcause I already done half of part A.

Guess what she said? She said she already finished the part A.

I was thinking. WHAT THE FUCK? Yesterday only we decided the company, YOU wasn't even there, and now you said you already finished? Immediately I know this is a shit. I was really angry, because if you don't want to do part C you can just talk to me nicely. But what you do is because I told you I finish half now you say you've completed??? Do you just want to win over or what?

I think she feels not right and she told me is just a joke much later...

I told her is not funny at all...Frankly I was angry..

and then she said I never informed her that Im doing part A and I decided everything on my own.

I got even angrier with this. First, I thought my other group member that I discussed with 2 days ago will inform them together coz I already told him Im doing part A. Sadly he did not. Well ok...thats my fault then. But SECOND, YOU never discuss with me too when u sms me to do part C! If you have no initiative to divide the work earlier, SHUT THE FUCK UP! Coz somebody will have to decide WHO n WHO doing which part and the SLOW people just folllow unless you have both way agreement to change part! This has been our way of doing the assingments isn't it? I were always informed to finish certain part of the assingments without being discussed too. And everytime is like that, never had any problem with it.

She apologised. I accepted..though IT HURTS ME DEEPLY. From person whom I defined as very good friends...I am so disappointed.

Gold

Gold is a symbol of fortune. This is the perception that it gives people. Today, most things devalued but many people are not realizing. The old people used to keep money in long term saving account earning the 5% interest, but are they actually earning? I guess not. With inflation and interest rates moving everyday, money kept depreciating in terms of value so, it is very hard to earn money through saving accounts unless you invest it and make sure you gain. Me and my friends had a sum of money (mind you, our sum of money means we, as STUDENTS "sum" of money, doing part time job etc) and we knew the fact that putting money in saving account does not really earns you more money. Then, I came to ask my sister and she told me about mutual funds. I invested some on it a year ago. Not bad but very slow. Recently, I went to Rich Dad's seminar, and his gold advisor Blair said, gold and silver's price will rise tremendously in future. I always ponder how can I get into this? And so today, I found out that Public Bank actually had a kind of investment called Gold Investment Account. You will buy at least 20gms of gold for initial buy. You were to have at least 2gms of gold in the account as the minimum figures. You have to buy/sell 5gms per transaction. You can withdraw the physical gold subject to t&c. But you can't deposit it physically. Today's gold price is RM106.78.
Live Gold Price

Im interested...

Friendship

So good friends has been in and out of my life....I am so sick of it that now I refuses to be so close with anyone knowing that someday they will go out of my life just like it always had been...again~

I think I am lacking of appreciating my friends...but I am kinda sick of adapting, building, and unknowingly it is gone... keeping a bunch of friends requires alot of sacrifice in many terms...

I am kinda sad tonight, somehow I feel like crying. Maybe I felt quite alone, and probably I am correct to admit that I am afraid...

I miss the times when I had a bunch of real true good friends that will cry together with me and hug me and tell me they love me and everything is gonna be alright!

Oh yeay! Today is my birthday....why heck am I so EMO?

*sigh.......