Neutral

So I decided to post it all now.

There is no who's right or who's wrong in relationship you agree? Everything comes both sides. If one resist it to happened, unwanted things cannot happen.

I cried so hard yesterday that I seriously thought I was going crazy. I was crying in my room, and I am not allowed to make any noise coz my sister is sleeping and her room and my room is somehow connected, thus she will hear it if I sob. I did, and I am not sure whether if she heard. I cried so hard that I had to stop breathing in order not to make anymore noise. And for both crucial times when im doing that, I lose my breath and all the heat and blood goes up to my head. I can feel that, coz I was in a very cold aircond room and I suddenly sweat very hard.

You know how is the feeling of helpless? Yeah~ yesterday I called for help. I was sincerely begging for help. The feeling is undescridable. Helpless.

We have been together for 6 months. Couples quarreled. And everytime we quarrel, be it small or big, he will just ignore it. Until perhaps 1 day when he suddenly call me, and wanted to pretend like nothing had happened. Of coz then, I was angry. You expect time can wash things away and we can go on like nothing ever happened just like that? And to have us carry on forever? IMpossible. Problems came, we must solve, we must talk things out and find a solution, reach a conclusion. Share out our feelings to make us understand each other more. So that next time, things will not happen again. He don't seems to think sharing is good. He never share his life with me. We barely talk. I don't understand him, I don't know what is he doing, most of the time until his friends told me. We don't sms, we don't talk on the phone for hours.

Whatever I say, he is gonna agree with it. I say break up, he will be ok with it, saying he respect my decision. I say, we together, he will be okay with it too. hah I guess he don't understand what relationship really is. I asked him, last time when I rejected him, why did he so determine then? Perhaps his love to me is gone.

A week before exam time, I initiated a msg, and then he called and I said this all out to him. We met and we talked, but I did not know how, the result ended up the same. He decided to have us talk after exam. I can not stand ignorance like that. I am just barely asking for a settlement. He want us to talk after exam. I am given no choice, and if I don't want to accept it, then he will do whatever I say, which has no meaning at all.

My friend asked me yesterday, to what extent that he did not contact you for month/weeks. I said no contact at all. He said, I take 1 minute to type a message, because of exam, he can't do that? Yeah, I found out I am just making excuses for him. Until now, I finished my exam for 6 days, he finished for 2 days. He did nothing.

Its hard to let down. Maybe I need time. This is indeed a bias review of what had happened. I rationally admit. Well, I never know and will never know what is on his side. hah, he will never tell me, perhaps he don't even care. He will not share like usual.

You know what? He read my blog.