The sad smell of life

Age 15 was an important year for every malaysian teenager. They are going to sit for Penilaian Menengah Rendah. As young as that, naively, Kim thought that it was time for her to work. Working for the unfairness she had been treated in her life. The experts used to say that family influeced place the most part when it comes to dealing with youngster. Indeed, so although she wasn't treated good in the place of her family, she not only do not want to accept but tried to change the fact.

If it was something to blame, then it will be blamed on the time she came to this world wasn't right

because she was the youngest in the family. Like what most people would think, and she came across many people who had told her, being as the youngest would be best adored and loved. Everytime when people said this to her, she felt a strong knife poked into her heart. Not aware of what is wrong, but being in the youngest of the other 3 girls above her and only boy in the house wasn't the best thing anyone could expect.

That year, when she was to sit for PMR, she thought it will be the best year for her to change her life. Like an ugly duckling going to transform into a beautiful swan. For that the only heir in the house didn't do very well. She thinks that if she outwin the king of the house, she would become the princess. So from that day since this mindset came across her mind, she works like a bull for silly 7A's. A straight full A's a somebody to be proud of by their family would achieve.

You cannot underestimate the power of proving it right, for that is the best she had done in her life yet

For exactly one year, she did everything that can be done, saving the money to buy reference books, work book, uncountable tuisyen just to tell you her spirit. But, what is really inside her that is burning, can never be described by words. It is very easy to strive straight A's for a top student. But being in the 6th class out of 10, then you can perhaps close your eyes and imagine it for real. Although many teachers seem to feel it was impossible, the narrow eyed she received, the unhelpfulness, she took it with open heart just for the very day.

She burried all the pain and bitterness only for the day to come

When it was almost there, she grab every single last second that she had, study and keep studying, revise and keep revising, do and keep doing, check and rechecking. She thought, untill her last breath, she would want to strive it the best for herself this time, just to twist turn back, to taste, the original smell of life. The fragrance of proper life.

The moment when the result was annouced, when everybody else is accompanied by their parents, her teacher congratulated her. She becomes the best 2 person in her class, 6A's 1B. When she saw the result sheet, a full lengh of sigh goes around her fast pounding heart. A great sense of disapointment for herself. Not very sad, it was still the best record in her family had ever achieved.

No matter how hard she tried...how good she strive in her life, only in the end she found out that she can never change the fact

Happily, she showed it to her parents. They are proud, perhaps. This will be forever a puzzle missing a piece. From her perspective of mind however, it was more unusual than ever she had seen. If you think they will not wear a smile on their face, then you are very wrong. They celebrated but like I just said, they were only wearing a mask that looks like it was already so long never been teared.

Few months goes with the attention she always demanded in her life. But as time passes by, water flows and trees grow, it fade away just at the right time. Almost without her realising, it was then, gone.

Although she failed for the best, she proved one fact that life will turn her forever like this

After all she had done, after all the spirit and working hard, after she had received the proud from the school, friends, teachers especially, that once thought it was impossible, after all the water splash away only to hope heat will be given in return, it was a big fat juicy "no" in her life. She cried herself so many times until it was numb. Unfeelingness anymore.

The feeling was like investing all the money she had, for a business that she thinks will earn more than a life, like many other same case. The answer was then found. It wasn't a simply answer. But answer for her life.

No matter how hard she tried...how good she strive in her life, only in the end she found out that she can never change the fact

Life is not as simple as that. It is far more complicated than what a pure and innocent heart can think or imagine. This, is the smell of her life. The unusual life.

written by,
Cheryl Tan

***HAHAHAHA, how how how?? I suddenly got the idea running through my mind to write this. I think this is my 1st piece of so SERIOUS hand piece. My god, i donno i can be this good...wahahah. NEHH, whatever you think, i've gone above my roof to express these feeling out! Lets comment and tell me whether you feel it is okay?