fAT so wut?

NOwadays...when people saw me, the first thing they would say is..

IM FAT ALREADY

I ask them so what?

In fact, I've gone really really fat. Guess im about 55kg plus now( before this 48kg). So what? ehehhe CAn you imagine i made all the effort to cut carrot, cili padi(again), mushroom, just to cook myself a fried rice 11.30pm???

yummy yummy! I had been enjoying food soooOOOoooo much these days. Eating a meal 2/3 hours once. Not eating because im hungry. EAting because

IM NOT FULL ALREADY

lalalalala~ i now am leading a full set princess life. Wake up, 1st thing i do,

EAT

After that, i will online, maybe tv, with snacks...it goes like this for 2/3 hours...

then when im not full already...the next thing I do...hehehe

YOU KNOW THE ANSWER!

Yeah, thats it! BINGO...EAT! THen, because im too full, and watching tv all the time, i will feel tired...and guess again what i will do?

SLEEP!

Wake up then again i EAT, and SLEEP and EAT SLEEP EAT SLEEP

THat then, i call it a day...How interesting rite?

hehehe please pray i won't die becoming a...

PIG!!!!!!!

I am heterosexual

HELP ME!!!

my friend and I, when we talked about lesbian and gay and sex stuff~ and he found out that im maybe a lesbian. HOW HOW HOW?

cause basically im not really attracted to guys! and I AM attracted to girls. Remember the "you me and dupree"? The part when wife seducing the husband? I find that part REALLY attracting! I donno whether im attracted to the guy or the girl! But i guess is the girl. You know, the girl wearing that kind of underwear is damn @#&^#$(*@#@# FINGER LICKING GOOD!

First, when Calvin found out that, i ask him how to prove? Coz people never know when they are lesbian or gay...

So, he sent me a picture of sexy guy, and ask me, do i feel like having sex with him, and i said no. Actually i thought that picture wasn't sexy enough!

Then, he sent me a sexy girl, and i told him...i don like this kind.

He then got REALLY worried, and asked me, then you LIKE WHICH KIND?

At first, i said donno, then i thought perhaps japanese that kind. He then sent me picture...but sensored. HEHE

And he suggested Angelina Jolie that kind? I said YEAH!! definately. So he continued to send me, Angelina Jolie's sexy picture...and i thought it was yummy.

CAn somebody (girl) PLEASE tell me this picture is very sexy? please prove me innocent~~

If i were, like he says, a lesbian, then probably i will say, im heterosexual. And its quite normal coz alot of people are. Is just that they aren't aware of it. LIke he told me when i said it to him, we learnt that guy like girl girl like guy is a normal life. THats why, even when a girl is attracted to girl, we don't find anything to be so amused about.

IM NOT LESBIAN OKAY?

Anyway, i warned Calvin to take good care of his girlfriend. Coz im very damn close with his girl friend. Sigh, he still claims that im a lesbian. FOrget it.

Crazily Eating

Perhaps i was too boring.

Have you tried eating Curry maggie mee with 7 cili padis inside?

I just ate it. And i feel like anytime, my stomach going to burst and im soon going to rush to toilet and vomit.

I manage to finish it including the soup. I choked once because it was too spicy.

DOnno why, this few weeks feel like eating VERY spicy food. I kinda miss the wangsa maju "lorong" de curry mee. Because its very spicy. And nice!

NOw, i can imagine how red and hot and swell my lips are. And my stomach...gosh, i almost can't breath.

I enjoy THAT kind of feeling. Spicy till donno what to do. THen drink a tank of water.

I know im going to be fat. Im already fat anyway. So who cares? hahaa as long as im happy.

Am i suffering with some mental sickness?

4 days ago, i fried myself rice. With 8 cili padis inside. DAmn nice. 3days ago, i did the same!

Can someone please hide all the cili padis from me in my house?


***sorry that not updating for SOOOOO long..i know.

Environmental influence

I used to believe that "environment will change people" is a big juicy crap shit! But now, not anymore.

I used to think that if one doesn't WANT to change, he wouldn't change at ANY condition. But im wrong. Not that I have change because of environmental issues. I still remember that i assured my family I will not change regardless on where I am. I kept my promise.

But I've seen too many of my friends change. In just 3 weeks, a person can change alot. From a best friend, to a brand new person that you don't seems to know him at all. There is a verse in mandarin, "ren pien huai 3 tien, pien hao 3 nien". It means, a human turn wild needs 3 days, repent needs 3 years. Indeed, i believed and truly agree now.

Now, at only 19 years of age, I've seen my junior changed so much. They started smoking and drinking. COme to think of it, I was that kind of girl that didn't even drink outside, even when im offered and sure myself that im safe. Still a NO. Maybe as time goes by, the age of becoming "wild" on my point of view gradually turning younger and younger.

This world is so sick. I understand that there are a lot lot more than what i known and seen.

I wish to die

First, DOn't worry...coz i won die. To die unaturally is not easy. Don't ask me why. 1 day, when u have the urge, and feel like dying, just go ahead and do it. See whether you can do it. Then, you answered to your question.

I wish so much that i can die like Steve, the crocodile hunter, died doing what he loves and almost instantly.

Always i said, my family isn't the kind of family i wanted. How i wish i wasn't bornt in this family. How i wish my father hadn't died of that way. How i wish my sister haven't divorced before. How i wish she didn't get herself pregnant and forced to get married at a very young age. How i wish my family haven't expect so many things for me. How i wish my family didn't expect my life to be perfect. To be their ideal daughter. Or maybe to be their puppets.

I know they will be very sad if they saw this. BUt i seriously hope 1 of them will see this. They will cry? What is crying compared to my suffering all these years? How many times I cried because of what they had done to me?

Im telling you, i hate my family, i hate myself. Im so exhausted.

I wished I got the courage to shout back at them telling them my situation. Make them understand things that I am always keeping inside, bearing the pain, crying dark inside my room, taking their excuses...coz i know they can never understand or never want to understand. Coz whatever i tell them, in the end, when my logic is all right, they will use the most idiotic EXCUSE, WORRIED..

They will end everything by using that word, and making me no choice but PITY them and obediently do the things they want but I DON WANT. WHO IS THERE TO PITY ME?

I really wished I can die. From today onwards, my birthday wishes will be, hoping i will die immediately. I hope there will be chances for me to see shooting stars and i will wish i can die instantly.

not allowed to comment! I don need anyone's pity!

Leaving

Im leaving for KAYEEL 1st thing tomorrow at 8am. SAD SAD... apart of me miss Kl life. But definately not the life of being restricted from anything, staying with my sis.

Apart of me wanted to stay at BP! I definately going to miss Singapore IDol, and drama ANd princess-like life. WHere i wake up, got maid tidy up my room for me, breakfast buy and no need to pay, dishes washed after eating, online anytime i like, car available when i want to go out, air-cond almost 24 hours, BIG water on shower...and very clean floor and toilet. AIH~

Monday exam is on. MY god, difficult to concentrate. Can anyone tell me how? Id been forcing myself to study and bet im not concentrating. That explain the things that i memorize will be forgotten after 2 days!

After exam, probably i'll be planning to go for HOLIDAYSSSS...yiipeee~~ heee im so happy. Wheerver i'll be going, i just wan to breathe some cool air on my own, away from my family. Although i am currently enjoying, sleeping almost all the time, but space here kinda makes me feel exhousted. Can't explain.

Till then, byebye.

I want to sing!

CAn anybody bestow me the honour to perform? form a singing band(not rock)? or tell me if there is any singing competition going on? GAGAGA Don't know why. Maybe life's been too boring. Or maybe lately i've seen alot of singing competition like Singapore Idol, 1 in a million and stuff. Tell you the truth, sometimes i felt i am better than them. Not as powerful like Dayang's(1 in a million) voice, or Desiree(Project Superstar). But definately can improve or maybe win over them if i got professional training.

Yesterday when i was watching Channel 5( Singapore channel), President Star Charity, the musical, i was damn impress and envy them. I got the idea of im sensitive to music don't know why. And i believe my melody can touch people's heart. Sorry for not being modest. Let me once. Thank you.

ARRRGGGG sometimes i'd been wondering did i go the right path of my life. Sigh, Singing to me is very fun. And i always and always do whatever i can to improve my singing. But chances for me is very very limited. Because i didn't focus at all. Not even many people know that i can sing. Now i tell you all, READERS!!!!!!!!!

I CAN SING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SHI YEE CAN SING!!!!!!!!!!

TAN SHI YEE CAN SING!!!!!!!!

CHERYL WANTS TO GO FURTHER

IN MUSIC!!!!!!!!!!


Anyone can sponsor me for a vocal training? haaa

Okaay~~ Im dreaming. Thank you for being in my dream. :)

A ques for guys

Why must you all say... TAMADE DIUUU FUCK errrr CIBAI, hmmm KNN

lack of ideas..ok i think thats enough...

WHY ar?

i don understand...tell me

To express better? Or you guys think speaking these make you cooler or more handsome? Or people (your beloved friends) will like you more because you said all these?

Another "i hate thing" after smoking. I know i've been complaining alot. HECK, but who cares...HHEEE

Anyway, i didn't hate it so much afterall. But just, if possible, don't said it at the place that my ear can hear you. You you know what? it pollutes my ear andddd my brain. And you know what? Without realising, I've been saying FUCK YOU, FUCK OFF, DDIIUUU like nobody business, like my mama didn't taught me not to say bad words, like normal verbal communication (ehhee, since i learnt Communication in psychology, test on Monday, so i must make full use of my knowledge).

I imitated you guys(those who said in front of me) as models. My god.

CAn't believe. I DON WANT TO SAY FUCK YOU!!! ok lets fuck off and shut up.

opsss

Singapore Idol

"You know joakim, i never like ur singing and always wonder why u still on stage till this far. But miraclely, yesterday when you were announced out, i was kinda sad. VERY sad. Your passion in singing make people loves you so much. You are a very very very strong man and i believe you have gone through really alot alot. I wonder a man 18 can be so tough...HAH good luck and thanks for believing and keep on believing what you can do for others. You sort of gives hope to people and sent the message "don't give up" to you and the crowd! Maybe you wasn't this strong behind closed door, but who cares? CHEERS babe! And now, i know and understand why you were on stage till this far!"

This was the letter i sent to him, Joakim Gomez.; the top 5 of Singapore Idol.

This guy, was discriminated by the judges, the audience and all. Imagine the judges said " Your fans should allowed you to dignified an exit for this competition" " I request for 3secs silence from the audience...Jaokim, this sounds so much better than when you are singing" "Why do you keep doing that(silent with finger on the mouth)?" Joakim answered "to calm myself down" and Dick Lee said "And i feel like doing that to you when you were singing" "Try to sing inside the bathroom and watch your behind notes...you are going off keys all the while and i bet you didn't even realised.." "We are tired of telling you how to improve week after week but you wasn't improving yourself at all. So i have nothing to say" " It didn't work for me"

And this monkey, he cooly, strongly, smiles on tv, keep working hard and enjoying his every moment on stage without shreding a tear. Taking things easy and believes that he is worth the vote from his fan till the last second on stage. I'm amazed at how he keeps that huge smile plastered on his face week after week, slam after slam. Even after the discouraging vox pops, the criticism from the judges, the attack from the public, the non-discreet disapproval from Gurmit, & EVEN the trailers, he is still grinning & doing his thang. That, I salute him.

I thought he may be just pretending, acting strong. How can a person be so strong at the age of just 18 (same with me) ? If he is acting, who cares? He IS strong at least to act strong out. Its never easy...

Can you imagine a feeling that before his performance started, his fans all shouted for him with Gurmit Sigh(the host), then after his singing and judges commenting, his fans weren't even dare to appear on tv anymore. Can you feel the disapointment? The sad? The embarrassment and the feeling like losing hope?

I just found out that his parents were divorced and being together again just to see their son on Singapore Idol top 5. How beautiful is that? :)

HAh, if you asked me how is his singing, like in the letter i sent to him, i tell you, his singing trully sucks! Not like "she bangs from William Hung" but is like a simply guy you pick up from the street. Or maybe worse... But his "my cherie armour" keep playing on my mind now i donno why! HAH maybe i've fall in love...

Ahaaa, I've given Joakim my blog address. Hope that busy monkey won't drop by. amen. But if you read this Joakim, errrr hah, you are free to comment and slam me back :p. WEEE i would like to know you were here before at least...muaaaahahahha


***edited on 2nd Sept, 6.48 am


ONly now i know, compared to him, all my problems are much smaller than a tiny ant. *winkz* So im a happy girl now. EHEE