The Unexplainable

There are certain time, people have the kind of impression on you, once you spoke something that might meant that way...even when you do not mean that way...they made the conclusion that you meant that way...even it is not, even when you explain, it will seems so fake...so there is no point of doing it.

He gave me a flower just now. I was on deep concentration reading kennysia. I was happy when he gave me until I donno how to react. I am not joking that i seldom receive flower, especially in front of so many people. I only receive 3 times in my life of 20 years. And 2 times is when I was singing on stage, 1 time is the florist delivered to me. So I never have to react. Maybe partly i was reading kennysia. I remembered i stun for a while, acting that im reading kenny all because i dind't know what to do....so in the end...i didn't react. Just continue reading.

A friend of ours who seen the whole happening then voice up. He said, "weird la...u have no reaction want hor?" "are you a girl or not?"

Then, he said, "don't say...she want face....don't say already...", in a very confidence, hard tone.

I think he convinced everybody, so that become a conclusion.

Another guy said, "nien ke yi tang fan chi ma?"

I didn't say anything, except smiling.

I donno what to say. And I was actually doubting whether I am. I hate doubting myself when I didn't mean any tiny of it pun.

I am not angry at all. I am very sad. Disappointed. Sad to the extend that I have a feeling of crying. Its bad enough not being believed, it is worse not being understand...worse even not being able to explain...the worst of it is I actually doubt myself. I have nothing to say. Whatever people like to think of me. ITs ok. :)

They just don't understand.

At times like this, I will think of you. He that never fails to believe my intention. You are always in my mind. You know who you are.