Mind development

Its impossible to make anybody understand here unless they witness the process, but I would want myself to remember this great lesson I learn today.

We went to visit the campsite today, so with Mr Ng(our inspirer, motivator and trainer) there, I tried on 1 of the obstacle course.


When I first see it, I thought it wasn't very hard.
When I step on it, I can't even balance myself standing still, I thought it is impossible for me to reach the end.
I tried. Failed.
Again. Failed.
Irene tried, failed.
Irene 2nd trying. Failed.
Mr Ng, a 68 years old man, step his leg on it. Commented, "its harder than it seems..."
He tried, succeeded in his 1st attempt slowly.


I tried again, failed.
Again, failed.
Mr Ng told me, its all about confidence, whether your mind think you can do it. (Because I was telling myself I can't do it from the beginning...and that develops in my brain, telling my body, I can't do it)
Whenever I start walking, the whole thing shakes and the more I tried to control...it shakes even harder...when I tell my brain I can't. Nothing is shaking, my leg is the one making it shake like mad. You can't believe how much it shakes...
I rested for a few minutes.


Then I step on it. Take a deep deep breathe. Concentrate REALLY REALLY HARD. It shakes alot, but I continue and told myself, MAN, I CAN DO IT!
I succeeded, with alot of encouragement from Mr Ng. Though in a kind of mess.
I tried again.
It takes much shorter time. AND
it almost doesn't shake.
Mr Ng saw it, he said...."you see...now you can do it well. Why?"
Because I've succeeded in it before, and I am so confident that I can reach the end.

Maybe it doesn't show how huge is the different here. But I am so impressed and I learn a great lesson here. How a person should concentrate and control your body to work with it.

I realized why I am so much better in doing things that I am familiar with. At few times during the journey, Mr Ng realized that I have a bad habit of telling myself I cannot this and that, and I think all about the obstacles first without thinking how to turn the obstacles into benefits(I still didn't really get this yet). But yeah, I do have this habit. I tell myself I cannot first...before this I thought we should be prepared for the worse, by telling ourselves is hard, then we will work harder for it. I never realized these thoughts can develop alot in your mind, and indirectly it will convey these negatives thoughts towards people before you notice it...and fail your attempt seemingly like its nothing to do with us, as expected it is not easy to succeed.

Indirectly.

Mind development.

It takes 21 days to form a habit, provided you are conscious about it.

We also learn about fear, but I've read that in books and felt it before. So, nothing much about that.

Baby Fishes

I saw the whole process ler...I saw the baby come out from the stomach ler!!!


32 babies sword tail...

DAMN CUTE lerr....~~~

Guilt

Guilty is an act of responsibility. Yesterday was a night full of guilt.

First, it happened like this. I was challenged to drink a saucer of chili and he will drink a cann of beer. To me, that chili is nothing, in fact I find it taste good. I accepted the challenge and when I was about to drink it, he got a shock and he stop me. He told me, he lose...but I do not have to drink.

He is a man that couldn't drink. So he drank a whole cann of Stout although I beg him not to. He said lose means lose. He felt very guilty for making me wanna drink that chili and he got a shock when I really mean to do it. He said he really didn't want me to drink that thing as a friend. I felt even more guilty. Luckily he still can survive although got high a little. The whole night I was apologizing to him and explain myself but I think it doens't work. He said he felt even more guilty. @@

During the incident...I was accidentally played until falling off from the chair. Another him felt really sorry to me although everybody knew it wasn't his fault. Hm...but mouth very hard...so I told him I don't forgive him, want him to be guilty forever. He kept apologizing..and at some point of time...I donno what he did or what he said..I felt like slapping him so much and he asked me to do so when I told him about it. At that time...I didn't think further and slap him hard in front of his friends. I realize that hell I just did right after it happened. So the whole night was then MESS. I didn't know what to do, how to amend or do anything to help. It is not thought in my life how to deal with this...so all I do is ignore.

On the way back... he kept apologizing.

It isn't the matter of me falling down...pain or what. My heart is much more pain, and I can't forgive myself for doing that. I was all the way very emo and I guess he thought because I fell down while is not at all, coz he didn't do it purposely while I did.

I straight off the light and try hard to sleep immediately once I reached home. Hate that feeling to core.

Guilt can kill.

______________________________________________

Although Lee Chong Wei lost the gold medal, but HEY, he represents Malaysia and he sacrificed many things to have reach this level. Please Malaysian....not because he lost that medal, we are going to think he is not good or what. He is human with feelings too!

To this girl...

Before human realize that the earth is round....

They THOUGHT the earth its flat. Because from what they see....its flat. And people beliefs what they see.

Today, in this century...its no longer just what we see...

Grow up and THINK before you SHOOT.

Before exam FUn

First, I think I am very pretty...so I am very happy...haha My theme for the day is "BITCH". But fail la...im not enough bitchy at all...


I donno how to share this, I think just by looking at the pictures can reflects all the feelings...

Camwhoring in the car...wuhoo~
The pretty girls...another reason I am so damn happy is, many girls and mostly consist of REALLY CAN PLAY ONES!!!

My classmates...really can play people...hahaa!!! I love crazying with them...crazy with responsible and limits.

If you think they are drunk, no...we haven't started drinking at the time...coz we are waiting for 12o'clock to strike to shift to a bigger place. While waiting we were damn boring, so we get high ourselves...

This is Ah Po aka Anderson...damn long time no see friend!!! VERY HAPPY to see him!

Yeay, she is very crazy... I mean all of us are crazy...but its damn fun...SO WHO CARES?
The 1st cheers...wonderful!


Okay...this is after some alcohol effect...
The cross cheers...


And more cheers...


Crazy peoples....wuhooO~~

AhPo, Vi and Cheryl...

Okey...then they start crazy d...







A very happy couple...

After that, I was downstairs taking care of this girl...

I miss all the high peak scenes...too bad~ Next time...

Can't find myself

Sometimes I am practicing too much of objective viewpoint until i often lost of myself. Is this good or bad? I feel is bad for now. Coz the bad impact is now on and im so dilemma. Days ago, I tell people that this is A. People tell me, is not A but Z and gave me all the reasons why. I will still say its A, try to convince people and make them believe why I 'believe' so as if I am so into it. But when I am alone, I will spend time thinking perhaps its Z, it could be Z and if there is 1 out of 100 that it could be Z, perhaps....I've met the 99 of As but I should not conclude that all 100 are As. This might be the 100th Z I am meeting.


Man, this is feeling not very good. Who is the real me?

*10 minutes later* Never mind...I will deal well with it. (: As always, isn't it?

Fun Wed

Some communication problems...supposed to reach at 12.30, but the guy somehow told us to reach at 11am...so we waited at Sunway Piramid. And that is how I spent my salary before earning it, shopped at MNG and camwhore.


After that the people call us, so we head to Coco Banana. And this is the wardrobe dept.


We act as waitress, so we look like this.
The people...acting as clubbers...

The leading artists...

This is Ivan, acting like a 'pro'

I donno who is this guy...we manage to play around camwhoring and joking while waiting for the director to shout action.

Basically we had only 2 scenes...mostly consist of just walking from one end to the other end...

Rehearsal many times, and it finally come to an end at 2.30pm, lasted 2 hours only~ Signed our agreement...

And get our pay...WEE!


Were treated KFC...

On the way balik kampung, Ivan said there is a cendol in SS15 very famous...indeed!

And it tastes good, especially while the wheather is hot.
Deadly tired.

ARghhh Bad Monday

I wish I could pour everything out here.

Stress level : 9/10

Everything was still okay until the afternoon, I suggested them to go over PJ to fasten the procedures. Manage to settle everything and although I had finished my class, I thought it would be alright for them to go on their own. Seeing they are confidence and I thought if this organizing comm I can't trust, then I can't trust any other organizing already. Although they had no experience, they are very independent.

Then late afternoon, I receieved message saying they were scolded horribly, proposal not approved. At first attempt(I was nicely sleeping at home) I thought they were joking with me...So i told them, "nvm"

I couldn't sleep then, so I sms further to ask them how was it. That was when things started to get really bad. I talked to the previous chair for some suggestions....she actually kinda blamed me for not going to see the Student Affair Manager myself. She said, which now i think its so true, that althought they are the organizing comm, whatever happened then, its gonna be under CDS and I am a CDS chair. Recently, I was being said that I am hugging too much things on my own, making sure everything turns alright...so this time, having much confident in them...I thought its the time to let them try on their own.

Am I not being understand? What is really right?

Perhaps I should stand on what I really think its right and ignore whatever people say...

The previous vice and chair wanted to meet me n my vice for some chat. I guess we are doing not well...we do have abit of problem.

I was having too much of fun...so distracted by useless things...

I do very regret for not meeting the manager together with them. How could I let them being scolded for an hour...and I was sleeping at home...haih. Because this is their 1st time meeting the old woman, they didn't really know how to speak up themself, just accepting whatever she said. If I were there, perhaps things could be very different. I am really regret.

I knew I didn't put enough effort like I used to in CDS.

Anyway, will do something about it. Enough of regrets and start doing something. Be positive...it tests my patience and boosting my stress accepting level. I CAN DO IT WELL!

JIAYOU! JIAYOU! JIAYOU!

Nic : I won let u 看不起的！

I put on my msn's personal message, "I won't miss class d...hehe".

A few minutes later, I saw this in Nicholas's personal message, "@I won't miss class d...hehe @ ''Hear first '' "

TMD! F.U.C.K, damn annoying LOR~!

For some moments, I really thought I want to strive hard this sem...achieving what I really should achieve. When my determination level tells my brain to be persevere, Nicholas splashes me with ice water. Its like calling me, "HELLO??? wake up from your dream..you can't be la pls..."

TMD

I'll prove you I am determine this time.

I
AM
GOING
TO
ALL
THE
CLASS
REGARDLESS
OF
HOW
BORING
OR
HOW
TIRED
I
AM
AND
I
AM
GOING
TO
TRY
MY
BEST
TO
CONCENTRATE
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I should not be afraid of failing. I should keep trying because the more you fail the nearer you are to succeed. I should not let worries hold me back. I should be doing what I have said.I should FIGHT till I succeed.

(I hope at least all this thought will stay with me for 1 month)