Noob/ A dream

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This afternoon, i was being awaken by my tears...

After 10 years my father passed away, i think this is less than the 3rd time i dream about him.

When i asked my mum why, my sister always dream of my dad, telling her to take good care of us(me n my bro), she said coz we were only 9 and 12 years old back... somehow he felt so guilty.

Mum said, dad will not dare to face us coz he left us with all the heavy burden. We were still too small at that time...

When i was dreaming about him just now, he stand there looking at me while i was crying...

I think he missed me after so long... :) But he donno what to say to me coz he was still very guilty. So he just stand there, see me a few glance. Coz he just didn't know what right thing he can say to make me feel better...

I once told him in my heart when my family was in a big big big mess years after he died...that i will never forgive him, cause if wasn't because he died, we won't be facing so many problems...

I donno...maybe those words just come out when i was so emotional...I think he can avoid the accident...and not die.

I am glad that he comes to see me. I've long forgotten how to call pa...I miss him. I wish I can see him again, not crying but telling him i'm doing fine and all the incidents build a stronger me.

Maybe i shall accept the fact and let bygones be bygones.

I love you, pa.