The friendship

If it hurt her that much...it hurts me even more. Its all because of that blog I wrote weeks ago about the friends. She said we are no longer friend ever since I wrote that post in my blog. "How many years friends we are, and she(refers to me) doubted on my personality", she said.

I know I really acted so childish yesterday. I was drunk and angry with whatever hell I am in. I am so sad over everything. Feeling hopeless. She asked me to stay overnight but how am I to face everything after what had happened in the early next morning when we are finally awake? How am I to face her parents when I am in such a stage... Can she understand why and let me?

We are both stubborn.

To many, love are their last thing left after losing everything. To me, pride will be the only thing left for me. So no matter what in that kind of situation, I am not gonna lose my pride. I know its stupid. But my life is so stupid.

We had both say things really hurtful. I hope we apply what she told me yesterday...drunk and when angry words are to be deleted. Because i know we are just so hurt...nobody really meant what we said.

I sent messages to apologised...but it is being ignored. This seems to be our cross road, depending we have the will to save this friendship or not. How much we value it and believe this is just one of the obstacles we have to face to make oure frienship grow even stronger than before.

My eyes now are very scary when I woke up. I think back what happened and I remember she hit me because I told her to fuck off and told her I can't stay over because I have my pride. Its more painful in the heart.

I hope after what happened yesterday we can become friends like before again. Never mind it takes time. I will wait for the day to come.  Because I treasure this friendship.

Care?

So when toleration has reached its limit, we decided it is time. To hurt this relationship... Did he cared? Why should I being so good but not appreciated? Why be good then? Rebel.

I am not someone you can simply yell at when you are unhappy...no matter what happens!

tired

It seems to everybody that we are handling this relationship very well..but book shall not be judged by its cover..this explains our relationship..many times,frustration and anger are just on for 2minutes and with a swallow of saliva, it is then being forgotten until it happens again..and again..and again..and to the point that it burst out like now. Its been several times that i felt he is already given this relationship up, because no matter how hard i try to solve the problem, he seems motionless, just keep asking me what do i want in a very bad manner.. It hurts! Im jus merely trying to figure things out but what i get in return is a pail of cold water poured over my face.. I kept telling myself that i treasure this relationship, i can't act emotionally, i must control myself but! What do i get in return..u can guest it.. Im kinda tired.. I told him not to regret today after i had a talk with him about everything. He still remains the same. Thus, i told him that i take back my every words, pretend i had never said it before, and we give each other freedom to do everything each wants to do..why fuck do i care for his feeling so much? Have he cared for my feelings??? man, i hope i am not, but i am really sick of things repeating and he being motionless again..as if i am the only person wanting this relationship to continue on..i don want to work the relationship on my own! Fuck off!

Who you really mix with reflects who you are

Normally we chooses close friends that suited ourselves. The thinking, the behaviour, and the characteristic. When you change, your friends change too...

But many times, we don't choose friends because we want to be friendly. So we friend almost everybody that comes across. But friends influences our everything so much so that one will not even realized that at first you were disagreeing with your "friends" and now, you are doing those thing together with your same friends.

It is very disappointing to say that human are very fragile in everyway. Because we needed so much of support and the feeling of "not alone", this itself can become very positive and negative.

Something happened that I wrote this, I might be wrong but I am kinda sad.

One of my closest friend likes to put people "aeroplane". I don't know whether she even notice it or sees it as something significant. As for me, I am the person always being put aeroplane to, I felt really irritated and annoyed. There was a part time job offers, I told her about it and she agreed. Weeks later, she totally forgotten about it and when I reminds her, she just told me she already promised other friend to work somewhere else in a kind of apolegetic voice.

By right, she promises to work for here first, if she really forgotten, then isn't it that she is supposed to reject the other side? Or because the payments over there is more? Either reason, it is not really acceptable....(I know I am so judgemental...)

So we are left to clean the mess for her. Trying to explain to the person whom asked us to work and find a replacement. How irresponsible?

Today, me and my assingments group member had a tiff. 2 days ago, I talked to 1 of the member about the company which we are supposed to choose. Both of us sort of analysed the questions and I told him that I will be doing part A. Yesterday me and him confirmed the company. Suddenly today, another of my assingments group member sms me and said she will do part A and I will do part C. I already done half of part A. So I told her to do part cCcause I already done half of part A.

Guess what she said? She said she already finished the part A.

I was thinking. WHAT THE FUCK? Yesterday only we decided the company, YOU wasn't even there, and now you said you already finished? Immediately I know this is a shit. I was really angry, because if you don't want to do part C you can just talk to me nicely. But what you do is because I told you I finish half now you say you've completed??? Do you just want to win over or what?

I think she feels not right and she told me is just a joke much later...

I told her is not funny at all...Frankly I was angry..

and then she said I never informed her that Im doing part A and I decided everything on my own.

I got even angrier with this. First, I thought my other group member that I discussed with 2 days ago will inform them together coz I already told him Im doing part A. Sadly he did not. Well ok...thats my fault then. But SECOND, YOU never discuss with me too when u sms me to do part C! If you have no initiative to divide the work earlier, SHUT THE FUCK UP! Coz somebody will have to decide WHO n WHO doing which part and the SLOW people just folllow unless you have both way agreement to change part! This has been our way of doing the assingments isn't it? I were always informed to finish certain part of the assingments without being discussed too. And everytime is like that, never had any problem with it.

She apologised. I accepted..though IT HURTS ME DEEPLY. From person whom I defined as very good friends...I am so disappointed.