Eve

Its new year eve. That means Chinese New Year is really approaching. Days passed really slow for me. I don't know why I have nothing to look forward to. Previously I was so much hoping that chinese new year will really come faster. Coz 2007 was really a bad year for me. Hoping that 2008 will change a bit of my luck. Though, crossing the borders, I didn't feel much different. Maybe time just haven't come.

I seems to have so much to blog about. Yesterday my 2nd sis went to cousin's house to give away new year gifts. They talked, then she started to cry again. I just don't know why she must be so weak. The fact is already like that, what we can do is just face it bravely and find out what we can do to make it better. I don't know whether she did, but she always cried. And every time she cry, she weaken my spirit to fight on.

This is so not a home. This house is big, very comfy, full of luxurious food. But is empty inside. My cousin said a word which I long ago felt, 家合万事新. I never realize the importance of this. A family really shape a person. What a person believes in, practices all come from family. If you don't like me, I hope you will understand, if you don't, I am sorry. I don't like myself either, sometimes. But I had no choice. If I had a choice, I would stop my dad from dying. Coz all the tragedy started 12 years ago. Man, I was still 11 by then. How long have I endure this kind of family? It has all been planted inside me.

Not that I am unhappy, I am not happy either, I am just feeling feelingless right now. Staying in a place so strange, luckily at times, I still have my sisters and bro-in-laws...although they always quarrel which to me, is really sad, but I think I shall appreciate what is left rather than counting what I don't have.

Maybe this is a way to sound more cool, or maybe this is what I really left....

"Where is the love?"