wordless

Hahaaa

Sometimes i laugh to hide my sadness...Hazel will be able to see through everytime when im doing that.

How do you feel 2 days continuously you got nightmare about your family?

1 was family business went bankrupt, sister who is now handling the business break down.
2nd was mum scolding you terribly don't know about what, the next thing is she got very very drunk because of you.

I have no courage to call home. I am afraid.

Just now when my 2nd sister online(who is now handling the business) I asked her, how are you feeling?

She said bad. Business problem, family problem.

She said business is enough to crack her head yet nobody is supportive in the family and mum is creating some more problems...and keep saying things to hurt us. (I don't expect anyone to understand this, so don't tell me after all she is ur mum bla and won't want to hurt you..she loves you guys...you are all her children...F*CK OFF...thats ur family, not ours!)

How do you feel when your sister told you she is going to commit suicide? She told me...everytime mum is messing around with her, she told her "u kill me laa" and she mean it. When I asked her, "you die, I how?".. she said, I will still have my 1st and 3rd sister... How do u feel when she told you all the family problems that you don't know how to solve? When u r part of the family...?

Have you ever felt the feeling of helpless?

I feel like crying. Nobody will understand what we are facing. ARGG... Its too long for a story to tell...too personal for a listener can feel..

Although she felt better after we talked, after i console her and being supportive...but....im speechless after pretending strong in front of her, acting as if everything its ok...

I wish I can cry things out...How strong am I to take this?

I felt lucky that I am away from home. I am still coping because I only listen to these once in a while, felt this feeling once in a while...I can't imagine facing and coping with all these everyday. I doubt I can... IS the meaning of home still the feeling of home for us?

-very emotional and sad-