I am not I

I am not I
I am this one
walking beside me
whom I do not see,
whom at times
I manage to visit,
and at times I forget.
The one who remains silent
when I talk,
the one who forgives,
when I hate,
the one who takes a walk
when I am indoors,
the one who will remain standing
when I die.

If you can't fight them, join them!

I've seen talented people being voted away. Being not able to perform....you are a NOTHING. This world is mostly about people liking you, you're in and then STILL, you are able to show.

If people like you, they can find every single bit of your positive points...and polish it..share it with everybody...add a little bit of salt and sugar...and make everyone else like you.

Same things goes when people dislike you...they can find every single little faults...polish it...share it with everybody...add a little bit of salt and sugar...and make everyone else dislike you.

if you are 99% good, people dislike you..they can share your 1% bad to everybody and keep that 99% within. Then everybody will start disliking you. When someone heard that bad stuff abt somebody else...you can't blame them to have bad impression on you and notice first that 1% of your bad when they are observing you. Its hyper natural they will then think, the information they heard its true and thus concluded that, you are not good although nobody in this world is perfect. How unfair? But thats the world...

Sometimes its not whether this person is good or not good. Its more to how many people like you or dislike you. Is on how smart are you to make people like you and how you manage the people with alot of influence power...so that he/she can make more people like you.

And then, still you are in, your ability are able, have chance for you to perform. Still, you are concluded capable. Still, you are respected.

When you are not on stage, you will not be judged regardless of how good you are... I hate to accept ugly facts like these...it makes me sad because i am not able to make this world more beautiful...I have no choice but to accept and adapt the cruel truth.

My personality test

Colorgenics

Utmost in your mind is success. You are constantly seeking stimulation and a life full of experience. You are trying to 'grow' and above all you need to develop freely and to shake off the shackles of self-doubt. You are an enthusiastic individual, full of life with the desire to live intensely. You like contact with others and are enthusiastic by nature. You are receptive to anything new, modern or intriguing. Your interests are many and you are likely to expand your fields of activities. You are optimistic about the future and you deserve every success because deep down you are a 'winner'.



You need an atmosphere of peace and quiet and you would like to share a bond of understanding with the 'right person' - you have the belief that with the right person, your stress and anxiety could be minimised.



The present situation, not of your making, is forcing you to compromise. You will have to hold back and forgo some of your hopes, dreams and aspirations.



You are holding back. You need to find friends in whom you can trust and once they have proved themselves beyond all possible doubt you will be prepared to give them your all. The existing situation is not of your liking - you have an unsatisfied need for mental stimulation with others whose standards are as high as your own. Trying to control your instincts the way you do restricts your ability to open up to others and the way you feel at this time is suggestive of 'total surrender'. This is not to your liking as you consider such thoughts as weaknesses that need to be overcome. You feel that only by control, controlling your innermost thoughts, are you able to maintain your air of superiority. You want to be admired for yourself alone and not for what you can do or for what you may have done. In essence 'you need to be needed' and at the same time 'you need to need'.



You really like doing what you do and, more than that, you like yourself. Your attitude to work and to life is that 'If its not fun - then don't do it'. You want to be liked and respected, not for who you are but for what you are - and it seems to be working.

This world is sick!

Did you guys read the news?

I summarized it here if you didn't...

A 5-10 years old child's corpse were found in a gym bag on the staircase of a shop lot in PJ. Suspected to be straggled to death. Well, thats not something extraordinary horrific. The highlighted part is, she was sexually assaulted, brinjal and cucumber found in her private part.

My goodness...NST have her big head picture in the website. Its eerie~

Nobody came to claim her body and the only picture the police had was her picture of death. (the picture keeps running on my head now)

ITS DAMN EERRIEE!!!! STUPID NST, PUT SO BIG AT FRONT PAGE!!

I donno what to say on this laa....last time i used to say, those crazy maniac people, it will be wasted if they just die like that. Throw them into the sea to feed shark at least they mean something to this world.

For this case rite....i think throw into the sea, shark also don't want eat laaa. Stain the sea only....I donno what kind of punishment he should receive still is enough laa... I think no matter how, i cannot forgive such people lor. SHE IS JUST AN INNOCENT CHILD laa...omg...

How can somebody treat a defenseless innocent child like that???

I forever won't forgive him i think...I cannot find any reason to understand a single bit why he have to do this...

I think she can never rest in peace. Frankly speaking, if i were her, i became a ghost, I will haunt him forever and ever. Mess up with his everything. Even after he is dead, I will still not forgive him. Still will haunt him...FOREVER. Goodness..i think that is still not enough...it can never be enough...

Maybe let his descendant...OH YA!!! Do the same thing to his own daughter would be the best. And the best thing is let him see by himself someone else is doing that to her daughter.

@@

Im sick too~~

How can i ever suggest that? If he is sick, probably he will enjoy seeing also. I am suggesting to hurt another innocent child...

Forget it...

Tomorrow FIM paper...crazily difficult. Ciaoz

3rd August, 4.25AM

I browse through my computer and saw this video. I think its very funny laa..the birthday boys couldn't stand still because they were drunk...

enjoy!

wordless

Hahaaa

Sometimes i laugh to hide my sadness...Hazel will be able to see through everytime when im doing that.

How do you feel 2 days continuously you got nightmare about your family?

1 was family business went bankrupt, sister who is now handling the business break down.
2nd was mum scolding you terribly don't know about what, the next thing is she got very very drunk because of you.

I have no courage to call home. I am afraid.

Just now when my 2nd sister online(who is now handling the business) I asked her, how are you feeling?

She said bad. Business problem, family problem.

She said business is enough to crack her head yet nobody is supportive in the family and mum is creating some more problems...and keep saying things to hurt us. (I don't expect anyone to understand this, so don't tell me after all she is ur mum bla and won't want to hurt you..she loves you guys...you are all her children...F*CK OFF...thats ur family, not ours!)

How do you feel when your sister told you she is going to commit suicide? She told me...everytime mum is messing around with her, she told her "u kill me laa" and she mean it. When I asked her, "you die, I how?".. she said, I will still have my 1st and 3rd sister... How do u feel when she told you all the family problems that you don't know how to solve? When u r part of the family...?

Have you ever felt the feeling of helpless?

I feel like crying. Nobody will understand what we are facing. ARGG... Its too long for a story to tell...too personal for a listener can feel..

Although she felt better after we talked, after i console her and being supportive...but....im speechless after pretending strong in front of her, acting as if everything its ok...

I wish I can cry things out...How strong am I to take this?

I felt lucky that I am away from home. I am still coping because I only listen to these once in a while, felt this feeling once in a while...I can't imagine facing and coping with all these everyday. I doubt I can... IS the meaning of home still the feeling of home for us?

-very emotional and sad-

Face it!

Wuhooo~~

I donno why somebody can understand me so well. Somebody called me for like 2 minutes today, and told me, stop running away from reality, face it!

All out of sudden, i think yeahh....all the while, i refuse to study, refuse to believe exam is near, refuse to concentrate....I just don't want to think exam is coming, refuse to know that i need to study. I refuse...

8 more days to my exam. I shall face it bravely. Start working hard from now on!

Its time to study.

I think i had played enough for the past few days. Nobody will believe what 4 freaks did day before yesterday. It was like a dream and until now even, i hardly believe it. Imagine 4 freaks go clubbing without planning to, then without bringing alot of money.

Ended up we tried 3 places before we found a place that our money can afford. Reaching at 1am++, the 4 freaks finished a bottle of Dewars, all neat. We played games, coz 4 people is too boring...and nobody wants to drink!
I donno why nobody was deadly drunk this time. Thumbs up!

We enjoyed the freaking night. Its a very special experience.

Lalalelu...its time to go back study. Good morning everyone, its 6.40 in the morning~