The Wounds

Now I can understand why some siblings/parents can never talk to their family for years. There are some wounds so deep until it becomes a kind of hatred that you didn't yourself even want to admit it.

Isn't family suppose to be the one who offer out hand when you are in need? When you need support? When you need help? Why now just isn't my case?

I've been dealing with my emotional self, telling myself forgive and forget. There is no overnight hate in a family. But why? I didn't want to look into her eyes anymore. My heart ache everytime she asked me anything that is regarding money.

I wrote in FB,

"If she can understand not everyone is as "thick face" as her, then she would understand why am i so sensitive. If she can understand her own attitude, then she would gain more respect from people. And if she read this, I meant well"

Just now, she ask me why did I make my passport so early? She wanted me to make like tmr go Spore, today go make. Coz konon-nya wanna save the time and $! I was very pissed and told her in a bad tone that I am attending the interview on Wed!

I had said I wanted to make passport since donno when. Now I hope people know what is holding me back. I scared I do already, later she says I do so early. So, I at first ended up didn't dare to send out resume coz I am scared that later they ask me to go Spore, den I have no passport. In the end, when the 1st arguments came out abt my living expenses, I told myself FUCK OFF and send out my resume. In the end I manage to get the interview 1 week after the notice. So I make my passport ONLY TODAY!

And she said I never told her I had interview on this Wed. So she was very angry and she shouts at me. Said why she couldn't even ask me a question! Look at the way she ask a question man. If she wanna ask me, and she knew I had already make a passport, she would ask, " when is your interview in spore?" Obviosly she know I am planning to work in Spore. and She knew I had been saying I wanted to make a passport since more than 1 month ago.

If she wanted to ask, she would ask, "when is your interview?" or "when are you attending your interview, how come you made your passport today?"

NO, excuse me. She asked, "WHY YOU MAKE YOUR PASSPORT SO EARLY!"

My mother asked me to get that RM300 from her in front of them. Im telling my mum tmr that I am not going to talk to her now and then regarding money. If my mum really wants it, then I would take out from my saving account and pay it myself.

FUCK IT.

I tell you, I really hate her!